So I saw the video and heard the song, "Time to Pretend" by the band MGMT. Song rules.

All I will say is that song and that video makes me want to do a lot of drugs. Coke. Salvia. Acid. Vikes. You get the idea...A LOT OF DRUGS.

I NEED DRUGS.

Scumbag Casanova

Sunday, March 02, 2008

NFL DRAFT PROSPECTS 2008

Two posts in one day?!? Who the hell!?!! That's right, I actually have time to blog, not that anything reads this or cares. I know YOU don't. Yeah, you know I'm talking about. I see you there, alone, on your laptop, drinking your drink, watching your tv, getting asked questions by your roomate. Creepy...

Anyways, enough of the creepy stalker shit. It's that time of the year again. Where I go through withdrawal from football and start hyping the draft in anticipation for the new season. It's so perfect because it blends together the feeling of college football with the business-like viewing of NFL, if only for one day. This year looks to be an odd year as last year's draft had huge implications for what happens this year. Regardless, I want to talk about the top five (and to a lesser extent), the top ten teams that will be picking in the draft. This isn't my mock draft yet because I usually reserve that for right up to the draft. This is my prospects board for each team and what I THINK they need because as we all know what I say is the only opinion that matters in football which is why I'm a coach.

1.) Miami Dolphins - Okay, I know I said I won't predict anything, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say Parcells trades down. He's notorious for this, plus they need help on defense. They are getting older and need some youth to strengthen that linebacker core. With Zach Thomas gone, they are going to need to fill the void and bring a coheseive secondary to the plate if they want to get anywhere in that division. Look for Parcells to trade down possibly for an older quarterback and a couple of draft picks. I say if the Dolphins really want to make a SPLASH (I know, I know), they go for Todd Collins from the Redskins and a draft pick. I think the Dolphins would do good drafting AQUIB TALIB from Kansas or if he falls that far, MIKE JENKINKS would be a fucking steal. However, their best fucking bet, the SURE FUCKING THING is drafting USC's own KEITH RIVERS. He will be a pro-bowl linebacker and they need someone to replace Thomas. Rivers is their best option.

2.) St. Louis Rams - While their defense is nothing spectacular, the Rams would do better waiting until the second round to go for defense. As of right now, their offense is a fucking joke. And with weapons like Stephen Jackson, and Mark Bulger it's a fucking shame that he was one of the most sacked quarterbacks of last year. For the Rams, there should be only one person on their mind and it should be JAKE LONG. Remember what happened last time the Rams went for Offensive Line first with Orlando Pace, oh yeah, THEY WON THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL. The Rams could be there again with Jake Long who is the most dominant Offensive Linemen in the draft this year.

3.) Atlanta Falcons- Poor Falcons. They put their entire faith in Mike Vick and put the team on his shoulders and pissed away Matt Shaub to the Texans, who as a result, were a vastly improved team. And they were stuck without a QB. Joey Harrington is certainly capabale but because he's been thrown into the worst situations, no one has ever really given him a chance. Sadly, I don't think Atlanta is the place for him either. Atlanta needs a qb to go with that new Offense. If Petrino hadn't have bailed before the end of the season and ran away, I would say Brohm, but MATT RYAN is just too much to pass up. Atlanta needs a qb, Matt Ryan needs a home, although he is not the best QB in the draft. I'll talk about that later though. So it's a perfect fit for now...

4.) Oakland Raiders - I think I can collectively say that I'm through trying to care for this team or try and support them at least. No one cares about this team. They fucked up a sure fire thing in Jamarcus Russell and proceeded to have another shitty season. They fired a good coach who had the team improving. They can go to hell for all I care. Yeah okay, they need a weapon. Well, the Raiders are a bunch of cheating, fucking assholes. So why not get the biggest cheating,fucking asshole in the entire draft? DARREN MCFADDEN is a perfect fit for the Raiders, because they need another superhuman who is a shitty person and not worth his own weight in shit as a person. He fits right in with their whole mystique of having all the promise in the world, and some where down the line fucking it all up for sure. Look for McFadden to go to the Raiders providing them with 2 or 3 good years, maybe one playoff run before he's incarcerated for beating a little child.

5.) Kansas City Chiefs - Next to the Raiders, I say this team is the next team on the verge of a complete and utter breakdown. Confusion at qb, a hideous defense, and an ineffective running game makes this team the candidate for worse OVERALL team. So where to begin? Well let' just say KC has always needed help at defense. Look for them to try to get that number one spot from the FINS to try and snatch GLENN DORSEY at the number one spot. If not and CHRIS LONG or SEDRICK ELLIS are still available, they should pounce on either one to beef up their line. Although personally, I don't see why KC should limit their screw-ups to the season only. Watch them go for someone dumb like McFadden or something. God, I hate the Chiefs organization.

6.)New York Jets - Personally, this is the spot I see the Fins ending up with New York going for the glory in McFadden or Dorsey. Jets need a defense and their best bet is geting SEDRICK ELLIS from USC BABY!!!!!! That's all I need to say for them.

7.) New England Patriots- Once again I think I speak collectively for the United States when I say fuck this team. If not for teams finally speaking up, not only would this team have done all they did this year, but they would have had TWO FIRST ROUND picks to show for it. Still they get one and its a high one. Their super bowl loss showcased their flaws a defense and they while they got Zach Thomas, you know for the bloodthirsty Pats, it's not enough. Look for them to maybe snatch ELLIS if he falls that far, but really I think they have their eye on the monster, VERNON GHOLSTON. I bet the Pats are licking their chops looking at that fiend.

8.) Baltimore Ravens - The Ravens have a new young, offensive oriented coach. It's a huge contrast from Bellick's defense days. I know Ray Lewis will hate it, but the Ravens need a QB, a Wide Reciever and a line for Magahee. I think the Ravens could use MALCOLM KELLY, but I think DESEAN JACKSON would be a perfect fit. He's a gamble, but the payoff is limitless. You would have a Devin Hester-like returner who could pose serious threats on special teams, plus an explosive Wide Reciever ala Steve Smith for the Giants (Panthers' Smith too).

9.) Cincinnati Bengals - Two years ago, the Bengals were one injury away from a likely Super Bowl spot. Then Carson Palmer went down and the whole team went to shit. These last two years, the team has been carried by Palmer's leadership and amazing playing. But he can't do it alone. Their defense NEEDS to get better if they want any chance of being back to that same caliber. They need someone like LEODIS MCKELVIN at corner if they want their secondary to step up. Look for them to maybe go after GHOLSTON too if he drops. They just need defensive help period but their best bets and most needed are at corner.

10.) New Orleans Saints - Rounding out the top ten is the most talented of the crappy teams and my favorite team in the NFL, the Saints. I watched the Saints make a good run to the playoffs, but in the end their defense and secondary, like the Bengals was appalling. They had some terrible games where they let old men like Isaac Bruce just waltz right by. LEODIS MCKELVIN is a perfect fit for the Saints if he's still up but if he's gone look for the Saints to go for MIKE JENKIS, who is also a perfect fit.

That's my take on what the top ten need. Not that they care. Look out in a couple of weeks when I will give my predictions. Also I'll be back to tell you of my top prospects for the draft. Okay I love you bye bye!

-C R MO N

Scumbag Casanova

Album Review:
Prurient - And Still, Wanting

I try and convince myself that everytime Dominick Fernow puts something major out, it's not going to be as good as the last thing he did. I think to myself, "there is no fucking way he could top what he did on AIDS, Troubled Sleep, Black Vase, Adam, etc." And then, he releases it, and I listen to it. And god dammit if I'm not fooled every fucking time. Every god damned time I'm duped into it. I just don't understand how everytime Dom releases something, it can be better than the last thing he did.

And Still, Wanting. HOLY SHIT. HOLY MOTHERFUCKING GOD. HOLY MOTHERFUCKING MARY. MOTHERFUCKING FLAMING CHRIST CHILD.

A+