THE INTERNETTE!

So I recently found out more people read this thing. I apologize to anyone that has or has not recieved any emails back from me. I did not have the internet for two weeks and since I got back from L.A I have been without internet and cable in the living room (though still in the bedroom illegally). Since then I've had a lot of things to think about with regards to the internet and more importantly technoloy. It was kind of like my version of heading up the woods in the middle of no where, not showering or eating much and secluding myself from the world to right my own manifesto. Except it was in my room, with no pants and ESPN all the time.

I have discussed recently how much I don't really like techonoloy. How it's made me so dependent on certain things (music-ipod etc.) and that especially in the realm if writing, it's kind of necessity. I mean you wouldn't be reading this pile of shit if it weren't for technology. But not having the internet these past few weeks gave me time to connect with other things that I have been missing like The Dog Whisperer and Rescue Kennels.

I guess what I'm saying is that I honestly don't really dig technology all too much. I read Ted Kazinksi's manifesto when I was in high school. It was during a time when all I read was the writings and manifestos of crazy people like the Unabomber, Hitler, or Marx. To my surprise, I found myself agreeing with almost everything he said. I wouldn't go so far as to destroy technology, but when things break, I don't really care. It's a pain in the ass but it doesn't end my life completely. If my ipod breaks, I listen to cds or tapes (which I know are technology too but more rudimentary). When my phone breaks, I find a way for it to work (like figuring out the speaker still works). If it breaks completely I just don't use a phone. And now when my internette goes out, I take that time to write more and to contemplate things in my life, which in reality isn't such a good idea. On second thought, nevermind. Thinking about stuff hurts too much. Give me that youtube video of that dude singing "Chacarron" and I'll be all right. Just give me that and I'm going to be alright. It's going to be alright.



So how about that internet? They got some crazy stuff on that new internet.

Scumbag Casanova

Monday, June 09, 2008

Everything You Need Will Never Be Here

For the better part of my childhood I lived in the Echo Park/Silver Lake area of Los Angeles. To me, there really wasn't a world outside these two communities or outside L.A period. Around nine or ten my family relocated to Alhambra which is this small town just fucking East of L.A on the border where East L.A and Monterey Park meet. I hated this town from day one and there is no change. There is a "downtown area" but no way in hell would you ever catch me dead there with the countless other burnouts from my high school and elementary school times. I hate that place. I'll go to L.A and force something to do rather than go down there and see Sebastian cracked out talking about how he fucked some chick in the Johnny Rocket's bathroom and ate at Applebee's after. At least in Hollywood when you see people fucking it's in a fancier bathroom.

So Alhambra, "The Gateway to the San Gabriel Valley" is basically known for nothing. It has nothing and is nothing. There used to be an independent record store that I worked at but that went the way of the buffalo and now it's just an empty space for people to gawk at. That strip seriously lost all of its business within three years of it going up. It's fucking sad. And that tends to be the case for small town areas like Alhambra that are situated right fucking next to huge metropolises. Why go to downtown Alhambra when you can drive five miles and go to a real night club in L.A or drive an extra six miles down the road to Pasadena? For these reasons, Alhambra has garnered a reputation for being an essentially useless town that has nothing to offer.

With that said, Alhambra does have something going for it. It does have a little celebrity status because two of its most famous celebrities. These two celebrities have garnered Alhambra a repuation as a desolate place of either murder or complete nothingness, barren of any form of true human emotion. The two men I speak of are Alhambra's most famous citizens and I guess Alhambra's claim to fame. These two men: Phil Spector and Malefic, the man behind perhaps the cruelest and most nihilistic American death metal project, Xasthur.

Now, I knew Phil Spector lived in Alhambra. I use to be his neighbor. Phil Spector lives in this giant desolate castle, alone. This castle sits upon a hill in the city and is surrounded by giant trees so as to give a feeling of pure isolation. It is barracaded by a giant black fence that stretches all around the compound. There is no noise or never any activity that goes on in the castle. To the best of my knowledge, Phil Spector lives there alone, with like two or three people who maintain the property and live in the back house. They keep to themselves and leave him to be; an insane lunatic with crippling mania suffering major psychosis and more than likely sitting alone all day. In a giant fucking castle. By himself.


Phil Spector is a record producer who has recorded everyone from The Beatles and The Ramones to the Strokes in a career spanning five decades. He is credited with creating the wall of sound technique which to be honest, sounds fucking sweet. I love all that old girl group trio sound. The Ronnettes ruled. However after he finished with the music world, he became more and more deranged and move to Alhambra to live in a giant castle, alone, surrounded by woods and a giant fence. There he slowly began to go mad and devolved into the frighteningly crazed lunatic you see today. It is at this castle where Spector shot and murdered that girl after one night where his insanity went over the edge, and the terror of living in a town such as Alhambra, by himself, finally got to him. He offed some B-movie actress and now the castle is a tourist attraction for the strange and creepy.

Speaking of castles and grandiose personnas, one man who probably visited this site for inspiration is none other than Alhambra's native son, our own Malefic. Known as the driving force behind the black metal outfit Xasthur, Malefic's lyrics are perhaps the darkest, most devoid, pessimistic and nihilistic I have ever heard. This is music that you literally hear right before you kill yourself. Each song is about the hatred and spite he has for human beings and how the only possible solution to such malcontent is the systematic erradication of the human race including himself. He is so angry, so spiteful, that the minute I found out he was Alhambra's own, I was like, "ohhhhh, THAT'S WHY he hates people as much as I do." Malefic lyrics are filled with anger and contempt for his fellow man and it got me thinking to myself, "why does this town do this to everyone who lives here?"

Alhambra's native son.

Take a good luck at him Alhambra. Take a good look at both of them Alhambra. These are the type of people you produce. Insane, homicidal, suicidal, genocidal, maniacs with such contempt for human life and such spite for everything around them that they shut themselves out completely. I have never seen anyone do a good deed for anyone in this fucking city ever. Everyone just shits on everyone else and it's no wonder this city breeds a feeling of pure isolation and hatred for your fellow citizen, when everyone hates everyone and will do anything to see them suffer. I lived in a house for three years and we were evicted. We had no where to go so we would sneak into the house still and sleep on the floors. The lady next door called the police on us and also called the landlord and we were foricibly removed from our home leaving us homeless for a summer. Those are the type of people that exist in Alhambra and I will go on record and say that these people are way more evil and way more diabolical than any murderer or nihilist this town has ever produced. This town does this to people and makes them that way, or at least amplifies the dispicableness of human beings. No wonder Phil Spector is a homicidal lunatic. No wonder Malefic despises people so much. When I think about all the times people in Alhambra have hurt me, it kind of makes me dispise people as well--almost as much as these dudes.



But I guess you will find this in any small town. Every small town has its seedy and diry secrets and I guess it's in these small towns that you find the true worthlessness of some human lives. People tend to think Los Angeles is the scummiest of scum, and you know what, for the most part they are right. But travel just a few miles East, West, North or South, and what you'll find is more terrifying and appalling than anything you'll see in Los Angeles.


Alhambra: Isolation. Desolation. Wasteland. Terror. Murder. Insanity. Hatred. Sorrow. Spite. Anger. Fear. Death.

COME VISIT US SOON!

- C

Scumbag Casanova

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Okay, so everyone knows how blown away I was with Emeralds. I am listening to them nonstop right now. They are seriously my favorite new band. I think that I am legitimately a better person for seeing them and listening to them. I have a question and that is if anyone ANYONE has their "Ledges" CDR, could they be a doll and possibly send me the files!!

ALSO, I am currently obsessed with Jeff Twistcher's new project Secret Abuse. I loved Impregnable and Roman Torment is ungodly brutal. But Secret Abuse is just one of the most beautifully tragic things I've ever heard. IF ANYONE has ANYTHING from them besides their Lazy Magnet Split and Young Pig, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact me. I came into contact with "Young Man Pushing Away Everything" and didn't act fast enough. Please let me know!! Also if someone perhaps has any of his Marble Sky releases, that would be an extra naughty treat. I might give someone a reacharound for sumthin like that. So yeah, just a plea. If anyone reads this...


my email btw is diabetescity@yahoo.com.

Thanks. C'ya later jerkasses

Scumbag Casanova

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Album Review: Jason Crumer - Ottoman Black

My cohort Frank did an awesome review for this album and inspired me to write a review that will probably be not as awesome but just as praising. I had heard some buzz on this kid Jason Crumer and little did I know that he is already extremely accomplished. I saw this band facedowninshit about two years ago at the Warehouse and unbeknownst to me, apparently Crumer was in this band. Facedowninshit is a great band and the fact that Crumer was in this band gave me a little more insight as to why this album is as amazing as it is. In addition to facedowninshit, Crumer was also in Aluminum Noise a popular noise outfit from back in the day. So I guess this dude already has a litany of harsh accomplishments under his belt, but nothing, and I mean nothing tops this latest record or even comes close. And nothing could have prepared me for the emotional journey I took with this album. With "Ottoman Black" Crumer has crafted his masterpiece and sent a strong message to the world, "Jason Crumer is here and you are all in for a world of suffering, tragedy, and self realization."

The album as with any great artistic piece is a concept and works around the probable strangulation and murder of someone close to the narrator (in this case Crumer). The album also works as an introspective piece for the listener and if anyone is fucking confused as to how a harsh noise record can make someone take a look at themselves, fucking hold on. The album is split up into five parts. The first part, "Town Crier" is also the first song and immediately we are thrown into the fire as the death bell tolls and the story is introduced. It is one of the more haunting intros for an album I can recall. Not since Hair Police's "Constantly Terrified" have I been that scared at what lays in store. Then the "News Rips Through the Community" and the true nature of what has unfolded is unveiled. In a disgusting, grimy, yet in a shockingly cohesive manner Crumer crafts his harsh noise on this song giving it an air of detachment that only makes you feel more cold and sorrowful as the blasts get louder and louder we thrown into part II.

Part II is the "Self Deciever". In a song about the probable causes for the tragic event, this song is by far the creepiest of the entire album. At every point you expect Crumer to unleash hell upon the listener but the retrained chops of harsh noise only keep you more on the edge of the seat and as the suspense grows more and more intense, he finally lets you off the hook with the extremely unsettling sound of someone sitting on a rocking chair, pondering the last few moment of their life. This is only temporary as Crumer immediately attacks the listener once more and even going so far as to confrontationally interrogate whoever is listening to the album asking, "Where Were You?" This is by far the best song on the entire album and by far the most disturbing, the darkest, the most graphic and the most frightening. This song is the actual murder taking place. You can hear the man trying to get away to no avail as he is beaten, shot, and strangled beyond recognition. The gags and dry heaves get louder behind the omnipotent sound of what appears to be machinery. As the man breathes his last breaths of this earthly world, you are thrown into the actual event. The bats are beating him so that he is a mangled mess and you cannot look away. As the tension grows louder and the events that transpire loom louder and louder in your head, so does Crumer. Crumer's beats grow louder and more deafening with everything thought and every gasp released until....

The Third Part sets in and this is "Betratal After Betrayal". Finally Crumer unleashes his fucking fury upon the audience. After building it up perfectly he hits his stride in what is my favorite part of the album. This part is nothing but sheer, terrifying, blunt and blugeoning noise. While this might be the most traditional part of the album, there is nothing ordinary about what is transpiring. As it builds up in layers there is nothing but betrayal, "After Betrayal", "After Betrayal". These two sub parts within the piece only add more texture to the sound and only leave the listener more destitute and shameful for the terrible atrocity they have just heard and witnessed. These three tracks are by far the most brutal of the entire album and given the context in which they are juxtaposed, only make this album more of a symphony than anything. With betrayal after betrayal, after betrayal, after betrayal, Crumer doesn't let you off the hook and implicates you in the murder. If there was an album that ever made the listener feel sorry and guilt ridden for all the terrible shit they've done in the past, this is it. Finally Crumer interjects letting you know "Nothing Could Have Stopped This". The tragedy was going to unfold and all the events leading up to it, all of your life that you thought you had led, was just precursor to the revolting occurence that just transpired. The song is somewhat calming but still extremely unsettling as all that has happened has left you barren of thought. You can still hear his gasps, his pleads in the back of your head. But that's not just you. That's Crumer implanting them in your brain so you don't fucking forget. Ever.

Finally in part four, the machines eat him up with "Pissed Off Responses". While this part is only seven seconds long, it is the end to an experience you will never live down and will always be ashamed of. Seven seconds is all it takes to put you in the mindframe of dispair for the rest of your being.

The conclusion and oddly enough, beautiful revelation comes with the fifth and final part and that is "Certified Blue". All parties in this experience have met with the fate that lies with them and so have you. The man meets his makers. The men who killed him must confront each other. And you must confront yourself. THis is by far the most philosophical and introspective album I can ever remember being recorded. When an album forces a listener to look inward and dissect all the terrible things they've done, that's not music. That's a metaphysical transformation. In the end, are you certified blue? Are you prepared to look at yourself in the mirror and reconcile the terrible things you've seen or might have been witnessed to and done nothing? It is a beautiful tragedy when one discovers the fault in their in lives and the tears that flow through their blood and this album is the most beautiful tragedy of a noise album I have ever heard. Calling it noise isn't even fair. It's an insult. This isn't noise. What you just heard and witnessed my friends, is a miracle.

Ottoman Black is limited to 1000 copies so if anyone is at all interested they should go pick this up online or if you are in the area, at Hospital ASAP. I guarantee you it will be gone. It is too amazing not to be.

GRADE: A+++++++++++++ (Best album of the year so far)

- Where were you?