No Fun Night Three (Fin)

So I woke up feeling pretty froggy from the night before. It had obviously been an insane night for me and probably for Frank too. We slept in a bit and this time made our way up again with Liza and Drew (Frank's GF and BF, respectively). We made a stop at Hospital again and drove over to the Knitting Factory and scored an even better parking spot right in front of the venue right next to where all the people were talking (Forgues, Olson, Dom , Connelly etc.). We got out and Frank decided to get some brews before the doors opened. Since they served him the night before he figured why not and sure enough they served us so there was no problem yet. We made our way over and started drinking and I needed to piss. So I made my way over and asked if I could use the restroom and the guy told me as long as me and my friends were drinking in front of the club, there was no way we were getting in period.

So we went down the block and finished our 40's and came back. The dude told us there was no way he was letting us in. It's a good thing we had Lisa with us because they never turn down girls any where. I talked to guy and told him that it was really shitty to go back on your word like that and he acknowledged (once out of staff site) so he let us in with the provision we don't drink or cause any trouble, which is the opposite of what we wanted to do. The rest of the night went down like this:

Shallow Waters- This guy had to be the most pissed off political science major I have ever seen. With screams and trembles that rival early Prurient performances, this guy and his friend belted out a furious mix of harsh noise and power electronics. It was muddy, swampy, shitty sounding at times and perfect for what the dude was trying to convey. Usually I frown upon politics in music, but I could honestly see this nerd was fucking pissed off. "If we don't die from a gunshot to the head, we're going to die of hunger." Holy shit, what an angry motherfucker.

The Cathode Terror Secretion- These were the same guys that were beating the shit out of that one fucked up kid on night one, fishhooking him and slaming his face into the side of the stage. When I saw who it was, I was like HOLY SHIT. IT'S THESE DUDES. No wonder they're so fucking violent. While their set wasn't as shocking as other sets, it was definitely one of the most violent on the part of the performers. The lights were out and they proceeded to scream the fuck out of our ears and blugeon us with some of the loudest laptop electronics I've heard since Weise. It was like Wolf Eyes, Weise, and Whitehouse all came together, had an orgy, shit out a baby and that baby was the demon spawn of hell. With that tall ass dude screaming out angry epithets, threatening to kill anyone who came near him, it made me wonder why these new RSDI kids are so angry? They used to be happy and carefree. Somewhere along the way someone gave them too much roids and speed and they ended up playing angry power electronics and wanting to kill everyone. Great fucking set.

Werewolf Jerusalem - Werewolf Jerusalem is the dude from Richard Ramirez one of the few Texas noise men and a legend in the harsh noise scene. He was one of the first dudes I was listening to when I got into harsh noise so it was fucking awsome to see him live. It was really REALLY fucking loud. I'm pretty sure most of the crowd there had not seen Astro so they weren't used to it being loud as fuck. Many of them walked out with their hands over their ears. There is a reason this guy's is named Richard Ramirez. Because he's an unholy master of murder and rape upon your ears. He will murder again and again. Every time he gets a fucking chance. Tonight was no exception. You might as well get used to it. He's been doing it for over ten years, he's not about to stop now.

Halflings- These dudes are part of the same scene as Cathode and they were hanging with them all weekend. I could tell I would probably really like their recorded stuff, but live, I just wasn't feeling it. They both took their shirts off and one of them flexed with his six pack abs, tight pecs and flaunted his muscles. Literally, one of the gayest things I saw that weekend and I saw two dudes kissing. I don't know. Anything that comes off contrived or forced in any manner I'm not down with. And I'm especially not down with being macho for macho's sense. I doubt these guys have girlfriends or get girls and after this I doubt any girls wanted to talk to them. Regardless, I really did like the sound they were going for. It was like they were trying to go for that two man Dominick Fernow/Whitehouse sound, which I can definitely admire. But I don't know man. There's a place for being a bro in noise, but I just don't feel like there's a place for being macho for macho's sense and for Halflings, taking your shirts off, flexing your muscles, hugging each other. Yeah, not my cup of tea. Extremely awkward and uncomfortable.

Edwige- This was one of the better performances of the night. It wasn't too fancy, just straight ahead power noise from thee foremost names in Canadian noise. It was loud as shit and if you close your eyes, you could see the varying levels of dissonance that ring out almost unnoticed as the fucking aural assault blugeons your ears repeatedly. This was probably my third favorite set of the night and definitely one of the best of the weekend. I thouroughly enjoyed it.

Ahlzagailzehguh - Holy shit was this set intense as fuck. I walked down to the second stage area where Ahlz had already started and I walked into a sea of destruction. More moshing. More crowdsurfing. More people dying to what was seriously one of the best sets of the weekend and definitely the best harsh noise set of the entire weekend. The name is a mouthful but there is nothing complicated about this New York Kid. He looks very unassuming, but get him in front of his pedals, in front of a crowd, and satan be praised, hell is unleashed as the hatred becomes as deep as the void left in my ears after this terrible penetration. Ahlz blasted through his set with no remorse for the crowd as they spilled up on stage and gave him the sign of approval. People, once again, losing their shit; it was deifnitely a sight to behold--and all for this young gun from New York. I made sure to pick up his new album on Hospital after this performance. This kid definitely has a bright fucking future along with Crumer. This is the future of harsh noise and if it is any indication the world is in for a huge amount of severe, merciless pain. FUCKING AMAZING.

Who's the cutie in the front?

Sudden Infant- To be completely honest, I saw this dude get on stage and thought it was going to suck. But I was pleasantly surprised. His voice manipulations were something fierce and dangerous to reckon with. They blared their way from simple digust into violent seas of distortion that waved over the crowds head and out into the streets. Add in some humor on the part of this dude and you had one fucking awesome European dude up there, ahnihilating the shit out of the crowd. The crowd loved it. I loved it. It was great. He was also in the pit for a lot of the bands that weekend which made him that much more relatable. Great guy, great set.

FFH- I made my way down to the second stage area again and just as I walked in, FFH had started. FFH is fairly new to the scene but its Rich from Vegas Martyrs so obviously this dude's been around for a while. There is a lot of buzz on this dude and word on the street is, he was some of the most intense, violence and loud shows in this hemisphere. So I had to see him. Of course as soon as he started, the crowd fucking lost it. People were dying, writhing on the floor and flying in the fucking air. I had been in enough mosh pits for the weekend and I really wanted to see him so I made my way backstage where Thurston, Dom and Connelly all were headbanging. FFH was in fact, incredibly, almost rediculously unecessesarily loud. But if there is one thing I learned in the noise scene, there's no such thing as unecessarily loud. It was as people had depicted it, a violent, bloody, deafening scene. It was like watching the Los Angeles riots except instead of black people doing the rioting, its every single person in the world. I stood there and headbanged along with Thurston and we both gave him the sign of the "forbidden skull". Only ten minutes into his set, you heard this big snap and kind of explosion and that was it. FFH had blown out his mixer, his amp and basically everything else. Everyone cheered and clapped and was fucking floored. It was pretty fucking beatiful to watch. As smoke raised from his amp and people cheered I realized that this was something really special. Walking away, I took the oppurtunity to turn to Thurston and asked him what he thought. He smiled and went, "It was bound to happen sooner or later."

Lasse Marhaug + Dror Feiler - I missed this set because Frank, Drew, Liza and I went to go drink two more 40's down the street. It was really fucking cold at this point. We saw some dude pull out his weiner like almost in front of us and go pee in the middle of the street. That was cool.

Alan Licht - I stayed for most of his set and left for like the last five minutes but from what I say it was pretty good. Mostly a shit ton of power drone, if that makes any sense. Licht is kind of a legend in this circle, so once again it was more out of duty that I watched him than necessity. A lot of people were into it but I went outside towards the end to make a phonecall.

Lee Ranaldo: Blind Piece #2 - I missed Lee's set which really bummed me out. From what I heard it was a lot like his first piece except more violent. He got on stage, played guitar and then destroyed everything. I would have liked to see that but unfortunatley I was held up HOWEVER, it did give me a good oppurtunity to see something pretty fucking amazing. *THURSTON MOORE STORY* So I was sitting in the street, talking on the phone and out of the corner of my eye I saw this really tall figure come out of the shadows and stumbling down the street. I looked closer and saw it was Thurston again. Thurston was drunk off his ass, stumbling in the middle of the street, trying to keep his balance, with a fucking huge meaty sandwich in his hand. As he was stumbling closer to the Knitting Factory, he took huge fucking bites out of his sandwich. It was both fucking hilarious and fucking cool to see: one of the twenty most important figures in music history stumbling drunk down the street, stuffing his face with a sandwich. People like to build up Thurston as if he's this huge rockstar because of all he's accomplished. It makes people either intimidated or resentful towards him and I think its utter bullshit. When I saw that and I talked to him, I saw that same twenty year old kid that likes to rock out on his guitar, headbang, and make shit tons of noise. I don't think much has changed except for his age and the responsibilities that come with getting older. Thurston is just another noise kid and if you're not down with that you can suck it dry. He rules.

As I was walking inside to go watch James Plotkin, I walked by Kim Gordon, Thurston Moore, and Lee Ranaldo. People were just walking by not paying any attention but I seriously had to stop and just gawk for a few seconds. I just stood there and thought to myself, "holy shit, it's SONIC FUCKING YOUTH". There they are just standing there talking and laughing, shooting the shit. THere is one of the most important bands of all time just kicking it and palling around. It was definitely a moment for me and for my musical life. This is something I tell my kids about. It was too fucking surreal for me. I thught I still might have been dosed but considering I had almost nothing to drink that night all I could think to myself was, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, SONIC FUCKING YOUTH, RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME."

James Plotkin- Once again, this was a guy I had heard a lot of and it was more a duty than anything but I did not stay long. Plotkin's set was pretty boring and uninventive. I tried to get into it, but there were no shifts in momentum or any dynamics to his set. IT was very robotic and non-personal. I left after a short while to go catch Illusion of Safety.

Illusion of Safety - Illusion of Safety was literally one of if not THE FIRST dark ambient/drone project I ever listened to in my life. I was in my junior year in high school when I was surfing the net looking for something different and stumbled upon this dark ambient/drone shit. What I found was seriously something infuckingcredible to me. Illusion of Safety was the first ever type of noise I ever listened to. So I had to see him and I had to thank him for just opening my ears up to this entire world. If it weren't for him, I would not have been there at No Fun. It made no difference that half the crowd was not there and that there weren't that many kids there for his set. His set was fucking incredible and I just wanted to show my appreciation to a man who's art meant so much to me as a little angry, high-schooler who was doing a shit ton of drugs and depressed out of his fucking mind. That set was more of a personal thing for me. And yes, it was fucking incredible. Yes, it was everything I thought it would be. But more than anything it was just another moment for me to show my appreciation to an artform that seriously pulled me through some shitty times.

Cleanse- There needs to be a little background info on this dude. Earlier in the night Frank needed to use the restroom. He burst into one of the stalls and found a man doing cocaine off a toilet seat. Frank apologized and waited to use the restroom. As we walked downstairs and walked into the room, we saw this huge hairy beast going fucking insane and looking as if he was fighting with his amplifier. Frank turns to me and goes, "that's the guy I saw doing cocaine in the toilet stall." Of fucking course it was. It's the dude from Hive Mind. It's fucking Grey Holger. His name is Grey. You don't get much more brutal than that. He only played for like five minutes but his set was unforgettable. I was literally thrown into him from like the middle of the audience and everyone was going fucking ape shit. Dom was there. Dilloway. Connelly. Olson. Nate. Fucking everyone was there representing this dude and going fucking insane. This violent beast only played for six minutes but I'm sure to him it felt like six hours. We all cheered and clapped because I have never seen such furious noises come from such an angry coked-up gorilla.


Consumer Electronics- We made our way up to the main stage to see Philip Best's solo performance as Consumer Electronics. Philip Best is one of the legends behind Whitehouse and one of the men I encountered that weekend. Philip is a fucking god and a fucking legend, plus anything he does is confrontational as fuck and extremely cool to be a part of. As Philip walked up and the crowd cheered, we saw a shadowy figure come out from behind him. It was Dom. I could literally hear the collective gasp from the entire audience and then a simultaneous refrain of, "Oh no." Before they even realized what had just happend, Dom unleashed his fucking punishment upon the audience and Philip went into his tyrannical rant that was both sexually offensive and arrosuing at the same time. It was so fucking loud that I didn't know what to fear more, Dom's electronics or Philip's angry screams. As he pointed to everyone in the crowd and proceeded to disrobe, there was one thing I could feel in crowd collectively and that was shame. This music was shaming the audience and they were loving every moment. Chaos ensued and in the ensuing violence, a girl managed to take off her shirt and unzip her pants. For the duration of the set she clawed at Philip as he unleashed his violent decrees upon us, the piece of shit servants. It was literally like something out of a fucking sexually depraved medieval/viking sequence. We had the sexual master, the king in Philip Best admonishing the crowd and decreeing various laws and statutes that were meant to maim and sexually humilate the crowd as he towered over us and raised his hand in glory. Then to his left, there was Dom, his chancellor of pain or his Minister of Suffering and punitive devices, delving out the pain and the punishment to the entire crowd and making sure we feel the pain he is administering to us. Below Philip, at his feet, was the gratuitously naked female, not needing to be there for any reason but to be at her master's beckon. It was offensive, angry, and amazing on so many levels. No one puts on a show like fucking Philip Best.


John Weise- This was the bummer of the night, maybe the weekend. I had been looking forward to Weise's set all weekend because Weise always puts on an awesome fucking show. I had been talking to him all weekend and getting really excited for his set. I had told him that I was going to bring the mosh L.A style to represent. When I walked down there, I walked by Weise and he looked fucking pissed. "Yo Weise, what's up man?" "I'm not playing." That was all he needed to say and my heart fucking sank for him. I was so pissed. I screamed out, "you're not playing!??!" Then a dude turned to me and told me, "his laptop broke". That fucking sucked. I have seen that deathtop go through so much since I've known and seen Weise and it just completely fucking bummed me out that he was not going to get to headling the second stage. It would have been fucking brutal is all I'm going to say. Too bad a lot of these kids will never get to see that. It was a total fucking bummer too because as I asked him if he was going to play he just turned to me and said no. Then right as he turned around a big bag of garbage hit him in the head. I felt so bad for Weise I wanted to give him a hug or something. I was pretty pissed and pretty fucking bummed about Weise and all the shit that happened to him. I think though, he might have had the last laugh on us...


THE HATERS- What a way to end No Fun. I went apeshit. I could not contain myself. The Haters are mostly the project of this dude Jupiter from Hollywood. They are homegrown in my backyard and they have been at it for thirty years now. They have earned their legend status through years of abstract pieces and several different performance all of which include crowd confrontation and baiting. Their name is no fucking joke. This dude FUCKING HATES. He hates with all his black putred soul and this performance was no exception. They performed that infamous "Untitled Title Belt" piece in which the men in black masks creep eerily forward towards the girl in the middle, sitting on a stool holding a title belt around her shoulder. I would close my eyes to listen in to the noise then open them up each time and I thought to myself, "are they getting closer to that girl?". I began to watch intently and I realized they were moving steadily and subtly closer to her. And I saw what was about to happen. One of the men was dressed in familiar clothes and I could see he was wearing glasses. Given Weise's L.A ties and his earlier performance woes, it did not surprise me to believe that under the one of those garbs was Weise ready to unleash THE HATE. As they moved closer and closer, the suspension continued to mount and I seriously was losing it. I was so excited. And then, the first lethargic shove. Followed by another, followed by another in increasingly violent fashions. The shoves got angrier and angrier as the music got louder and louder. Of course I got crazier and crazier. I was loving it. The violence became increasingly more intense towards to the "girl" in the stool and I began to hear boos and cries of anger from the audience. Things were being flung onto the stage and people were throwing shit out of anger. Finally the girl was knocked off her stool onto the floor, the title belt changed hands, and the piece ended. THE HATERS WERE VICTORIOUS.


That set was seriously the highlight of my weekend. It was definitely the most offensive, the most disturbing and the most unsettling of the entire weekend. And I feel like I always have to explain myself when it comes to things like The Haters. The Haters have been doing these performance art pieces for thirty years now and they always solicit the same reactions. I'm glad to see they still have such a polarizing effect on crowds to this day because there are always people who aren't familiar. In no way do I condone violence towards women and in no way does Jupiter or the Haters. Everything they do is over the top and meant to amplify various stereotypes so as to bring them to the forefront of discussion or if nothing else, to piss you off into discussing. There is a lot of wrestling themes that are included in their sets, like crowd interaction/violence and obviously, the title belt. They aren't meant to condone or comment on anything. That's your job to do after their set. Case in point, after their set, Liza comes up to us and tells us, "women hating in noise = retarded/boring" was written on one of the women stalls. The Haters have done thier job hating and they have done it well.



THAT's ALL FOLKS! THANKS FOR STOPPING BY FOR THIS WEEKEND AND THANKS FOR READING ALONG. I apologize for the many errors in spelling, sentence structure, english, or whatever. If that made it "impossible" for you to read, go fuck yourself you self-righteous prick! Love you all! So long from Brookyln!

*all photos taken by someone else (prefix mag and muniak)
- Chris

Scumbag Casanova

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Music I Blew My Money On During No Fun

So I didn't have enough money to get back and I had to get money from a nice lady at the Greyhound station to get a bus ride back. That sucked. Here is the list of the things that depleted my funds during that No Fun weekend at both the fest and Hospital, heaven for ditch dwellers.

- Wolf Eyes/Sickness, There is a Part of Me You Will Never Know, Split LP

- Ahlzagailzehguh, Bypassing Time Passing LP
Limited to 100 copies

- Nevari Butchers (Aaron Dilloway and Ram Maharjan), S/T, Cassette mastered from the Original Lathe 1/10 copies

- Emeralds and Aarron Dilloway, Under Pressure, Cassette Limited

- Emaciator, Dormant, Cassette Limited to 100 Copies

- Emaciator, Possesive Cassette

- Failing Lights, Combat Stance, Cassette Limited to 20 Copies, No Fun Fest Exclusive

- Hair Police, Fear of Sleep, Cassette Limited to 50 Copies, One of Three In a Set

- Jason Crumer, Ottoman Black, CD, Limited to 500 Copies

- Bloodyminded, Bloodyminded Plays Bloodyminded CD

- Aaron Dilloway and C. Spencer Yeh, The Squid CD

- Emeralds, Solar Bridge, CD

- Kevin Drumm, Imperial Distortion, CD

As you can see, there is a reason I blew all of my money.

Yeah Day Three, The End Coming Very Soon.

Scumbag Casanova

Saturday, May 24, 2008

No Fun Day Two (After)

Before I found out what I had just consumed, I walked back inside the Knitting Factory to catch Keith Fullerton Whitman's set. Everyone was really excited because this was supposed to be one of the best sets of the weekend. I felt kind of funny as I walked into the club. I wondered if what I had just drank was some sort of crazy alcholic beverage or just some weird hippy drink.

Keith Fullerton Whitman: Whitman's set was sorely dissappointing. Being that he was supposed to be one of the best things about the weekend, I was really bummed to see him do this weird glitch mash-up that didn't seem to have any cohesion to it whatsoever. I mean most of the guys make things up as they go along but have some semblance of the way they want their set to go. Whitman just got up there and started turning and hitting shit. It was a huge departure from his normally trance enducing drone. Towards the end of his set though, I definitely started to feel a tingle in my body and I started to feel more and more as if I were fading or dissappearing. After Whitman's set Frank and I walked out with that kid Bobby to go kick one and get the car nice and toasty.

Me: I don't know what Carly gave me man but I feel weird. Was it me or were the people moving really really fast out of the doors.
Frank: Nah man, they were fine.
Me: Man I don't know what I drank but I feel odd.
Frank: Do you like not feel good?
Me: It's not that I don't feel good...it's that I feel TOO GOOD.

And that was the quote of the night.

Cornucopia:We missed his set cause I was lifted as shit chilling with Bobby and Frank.

While we were in the car, Bobby, Frank and I were sharing random stories. They had a lot more because they still do drugs socially and hang out with friends from home who are the same *jealousssssss*. They start discussing random things beore Bobby turns to Frank and like a quote from the heavens asks, "Man have you ever tried Ayahuasca...it will fucking change your life." At this point I stop and move up the seat. I didn't believe that I just heard. It was like they saw me and fucking realized what was going on, but they didn't. It must have been just fucking instinct.

Me: Wait, what did you say?
Bobby: Ayahuasca
Me: What is that?
Frank: It's like this tea made with this root but they mix DMT sometimes. It's basically the purest, most earthiest form of liquid DMT but in like a tea.
Me: ummmm-------ooo.
Frank: Wait, that's not what you drank is it?
Me: it had some crazy name like that--I'm like 98.6 percent sure that's what I just drank.
Frank: oh noooo...ohh man... you little fucking bastard....you bastard.....I hate you. I'm so jealous right now. I hate you.

We got out of the car and made our way back to the stage and I was really beginning to feel it at this point. It hadn't hit but I was definitely feeling amazing, like I could probably just jump in the air and fly to the stage. It would have been fucking sweet too because I was like all fast and everyone else were fucking slow as shit. I would have beat everyone and gotten to the front row for Skaters. Instead, I stumbled up to the balconoy for the perfect set to watch in this state, THE SKATERS.

The Skaters: We walked in and the Skaters had already started playing. It was an amazing set. It was just the two dudes up there blasting through some feverishly devilistic drone that sounded (in my head at least) like being at a haunted carnival, alone at 2:30 at night. The lights were all out and the only light being used was this weird Christmas ornament light they were using that was flashing like a strobe light the entire time they were playing. From where I was, the entire area seemed pitck black. I was so fucked at the point that whenever I saw a shadow it looked like a ghost trying to leap off the balcony. And The Skaters provided a perfect soundtrack to these visions. It was so amazing to finally see this group as I have missed them several times and they were one of the bands I was extremely eager to see that weekend. Not only were they amazing but I was completely dosed off my ass so that just made the experience more incredible. Check seeing the Skaters while tripping majestic off my list.

Wow that's what they used as a light. I must have been fucked up if I thought it was a snowman.

Emeralds: I stumbled down three sets of stairs to get to the second stage area to see this band I had also heard a lot of buzz on called Emeralds. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY MOTHERFUCKING MARY OF POOP. JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST WITH A FLAMING STALLION LARIAT. THIS BAND WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE BEYOND ALL FUCKING WORDS. Maybe it's because I've done a lot of drugs in my past and killed a number of coordinative cells. Maybe it's because I just naturally like psychedelic drone. Maybe it's just because I was completely faced at this point and the ayahuasca REALLY REALLY had kicked in but this one of the top three performances of the entire weekend. I can't decide if it was the best, but it definitely was my favorite. Their brand of drone reminded me if like Growing took all the seriousness out of their music, dropped some acid, drank a shit load of beer, and pretended they were going to space. It was utterly fucking jawdropping. My mouth was on the floor the entire time. Their synths were synced perfected and the subtle timing of the guitar delays didn't hit me until I looked up and saw a sea of guitar feedback washing over the crowd. I saw that they released stuff on American Tapes and they did a collaboration with Dilloway. After their set, regardless of how doped up I was, I made it a prority to own anything and everything I could afford that had their name on it. Unfortunately I already blew a lot of my money so that meant a cd and a tape, but I downloaded a shit ton more and I intended to buy more as this is currently my favorite new band. As we were walking out, all I could was look at Frank and go "dude--I can't even explain--words can't explain. Did you see that? Did you hear that? That was--oh my god--just--" And of course Frank's retort was simple, "dude your pupils are so dilated right now."

Carlos Giffoni: Of course I stumbled my ass up back to the main stage and watch Sir Carlos fucking demolish the competetion and simply lay waste to all noise wannabes. Carlos Giffoni IS no fun. He is the only reason No Fun Fest exists as he founded started, and financed this entire operation. He also just happens to be one of my heroes and one of the most respected, amazing, talented noise artists in the entire world. Usually Carlos is good for blasting through a furious set with his hand made synth destruction boxes but this time, Carlos compltely switched it up. I was still feeling mighty MIGHTY fine as I was competely fucking rolling by this point. And Carlos was playing some mad grooves with his destructo boxes this time. Like I said, usually its just synth destruction with Carlos but tonight, I guess Carlos was feeling good as well as his tweaks had beats to them, almost like funky bass beats that fluctuated up and down. The set walked the line between brutal destructo analog noise and funky techno synth blasts the entire time, ending perfectly. That's not very easy to do for anyone and the fact that Carlos was able to pull this off only showed that he's growing so much more as an artists. Simply increidble.

The reason No Fun exists.

Alvars Orkester: I would really like to say I saw this set and that it was awesome, but truth be told this period in the night I don't really remember all too well. There was a phone. Some people. Maybe some juice? I don't know. I don't remember basically is the point and it bums me out we missed this guy's set because apparently he's a real composer that is so brutal, orchestras refused to play some of his compositions because they said it would deafen the crowd. I wish I could have seen it...maybe I did?


Demons:Oh man, what away to scare me out of my trip. This set also used a projector and visuals, but it was much more disturbing, frightening and horrifying than Nautical's set. First of all, this is the project of Nate from Wolf Eyes, arguably the grimmest figure out of all of them. Out of all the wolf dudes, he is the one I know the least about and the one I've talked to the least. He keeps to himself a lot. He also happens to be the founder of Wolf Eyes and basically a pretty reclusive legend in local noise circles. Their set was fucking terrifying. With Rodger Stella on theramin, that basically meant we were in store for something fiercely cerebral. The images on the screen only added to the dark layers of analogs, beats, and anger that pervaded their set. Stella was obviously agitated and drunk and that only added to the fury of the set. The images projected were for basically a reverse rape. This girl gets her clothes ripped off and starts screaming but then its played in reverse on loop and slow motion for the rest of the set while Nate and Stella trade terror blows. It was the most intense set of the night and definitely one of the most intense sets of the entire weekend. I was really happy I got to see this set. Groups like Demons are the reason this is called No Fun Fest.

Demons fucking rule.

Tovah Olson and the Jasons: Tovah and th Jasons were already jamming out downstairs and as I was walking down (this time walking gingerly, I had regained some of my cooridnation at this point), I heard this magnificently dark but jazzy sound coming from the room. I walked in and the sound was awesome. It was like free jazz meats complete ahnihilation as only Tovah and her Jason cohorts could do. Things got so awesome, her husband, Olson, started the pit going again and this time the pit was insane. The pit had been crazy for Sewer Election and Handicapper Hornz, but with Olson leading the way, this mosh pit became a monster pit. It was so fun. Then all of a sudden without warning, the sound was cut off. Everyone turned around and was like, "what the fuck, TURN IT ON. LET THEM PLAY." Over the speakers we heard, "until you guys can stop punching each other in the face, you are cut off." Then without warning she told them to get off the stage and that they were cut off. It was fucking gay as shit. Connelly, Thurston, Olson, Dom and everyone else was leading the charge in letting them play but they were just getting angrier and angrier and telling them to get off. Some pricks in the audience were not down either and one gay prickcore 5000 even went so far as to say, "it's not music it's just noise..." everyone turned around and immediately began throwing this kid around and basically hoisting him out of the area. Everyone was angry until like the genius he is Thurston shouted out, "what about the drums??" and brilliantly Olson chimed in "DO DRUMS YOU CAN'T UNPLUG DRUMS!!!" After chants of "drums" by the crowd, one of the Jasons got up there and started playing which started another mosh pit and just angered the Knitting Factory staff even more. It was one of the best and most awesome moments of the entire weekend. God fucking bless the Olsons, America's REAL first family.

Religious Knives:We walked back up to the main stage to watch Religious Knives. By the look of the crowd you can tell most of them were there to see them. Religious Knives was probably the most well known name outside the noise realm besides Thurston playing the fest. There were a lot of darkwave pricks there wearing their hair to the side with a blazer, white shoes and eyeliner to showcase their true black hearts on their sleeves. "I am so dark. Sometimes I go home and listen to early Love and Rockets while I dance in a non-conformist manner." I hate it when goth kids grow up and change into gayer, shittier, more annoying darkwavers. Aside from the annoying crowd, Religious Knives was okay. Kind of unremarkable but still good. Their individual sets (Afternoon Penis) (Black Quarter) (Workbench) were a lot better. I left to go see Hair Police.

Hair Police: This was by far the moment of the night. By now the ayahuasca had transformed itself into a natural adrenaline and I was completely fucking aware of my surroundings and concentrated on everything. I walked in to watch Hair Police start off in a very terrifying and malefic manner. It was just extremely haunting and then before I knew it, ALL FUCKING HELL BROKE LOOSE. It was as if I were walking into a house of actual corpses, witnessing the horror of the bodies and then being attacked by the butcher who maimed these bodies. Connelly and company lauched into this crazy pseudo-punk/black metal/noise improv set that included screeching the could break kevlar and bullet proof windows and drumming with a full on "Ghostrider" biker chain. The set was fucking crazy as the pit went fucking nuts. The pit was much more unrestrained (as were Hair Police) and much more deranged than any of the sets thus far. It was chaotic, dangerous, potentially lethal, but worth every fucking minute. As Connelly continued to wait out, "I CANNOT. I WILL NOT." The crowd continued to push back until full fledged hell had broken out at no fun. People were seriously losing their fucking shit for Hair Police, and I'm not going to lie; I was one of them. I was spazzing out and writhing on the stage as they kicked into another noise enduced black metal rendition of a punk song. I just continued to go all out along with Connelly, and the crowd. People were crowd surfing. Things were getting broken. Beer was getting sprayed everywhere, I can't put into words how euphoric the entire experience was. Connelleys bass sounded like a motor cycle, and Trevor provided the chain link whip as the drum stick for the perfect effect. It was definitely one of the most unrestrained, angriest, diabolic and frightening sets I've ever witnessed. Connelley managed to crowd surf over the crowd, which isn't easy considering he's a stalky fellow and landed back on stage to finish out the set with one last shriek of blood curdling violence before finsihing it off, "FUCK SECURITY. FUCK THE KNITTING FACTORY. FUCK EVERYONE ELSE, WE'RE HAIR POLICE GOODNIGHT."

Who's that cute little Mexican boy getting trampled on??

CLUSTER: German Kraut legends CLUSTER finished off the night and while it was a good way to end the night, Frank and I were tired and hungry. We watched Cluster who were essentially the older version of Zwei Dungel Jungen--WE ARE CLUSTER FROM DEUTSCHELAND. WE ARE TWO DARK BOYS--until we felt it necessary to jet. We grabbed a sandwich and drove back home. A fitting end to one of the more masterful nights of my recent recollection.


YES! That's finally it for night two. What a fucking night. Stay tuned for night three where I wrap it up with TWO condoms so it hurts and chaffes the women and no pleasure is felt for either partner.

- Doody

Scumbag Casanova

No Fun Day Two (Before)

So we woke up pretty fucked after day one. We got back pretty late and my ears were still ringing something fierce from the night before. Frank's mom made us some yummy chocolate chip pancakes and we made our way up to Brooklyn to go to Hopsital and pick up some records (see Hopspital entry). After talking to everyone at Hopsital we made our way over to the Knitting Factory and found another good parking spot. Finding tickets for this night was more of a bitch than the first night. We stood outside asking people for tickets to no avail. Finally this dude came up to us and asked us if we wanted two three-day passes. He said money would suffice but he really wanted beer or weed. Since neither of us were over 21 we walked away dejected and pissed.

Sitting on the steps of this abandoned loft, we looked to be completely fucked and Frank even mentioned possibly going home and getting drunk. We started talking to this one girl and we told her about that kid. She perked up and instantly ran over to him saying that not only could she buy him beer, but she could hook him up with some herb. He thanked us for finding a connect and to thank us, he brought us in with his friend who was performing. So just like that, in a matter of minutes we were in the Knitting Factory for Night 2, ready to have another great night (and as luck would have it, this would end up being the best night). I split this entry up into two parts because it was so long and crazy it needed to be. There is the BEFORE Ayahuasca and THE AFTER Ayahuasca parts. You'll see what I'm talking about.

Afternoon Penis: Afternoon Penis is Nate from Mouthus and Religious Knives. His main deal is, he's a drummer that makes noise. He's not like Brian Chippendale where he's all over the top with it. He started off plying using these metal plates he fashioned as cymbals. He ran them through some pedals and they were getting some good sounds. He then proceeded over to the drumset and played a surprisingly awesome set of drone using his voice, effects and drums. It was a great Afternoon of Penis.

Nevari Butchers: I was really excited for this. It was Dilloway with some dude who plays Cello and other things. I forget his name but he's pretty well known. The set started off with Dilloway scraping a wheelbarrow which was placed awkwardly on stage with a shovel. Anyone that knows me knows I CAN'T STAND the sound of metal scraping metal. It's not like its annoying, it just makes me want to die. I don't know. I can't explian it. Suffice it to say, I've had severe mental breakdowns because of that sound. And it being amplified 1000 times for my ears was a delightfully terrible experience. It was amazing. They kicked in to their set with Dilloway playing his crazy loops and the dude playing the cello through effects. Then all hell broke loose at the end, like all Dilloway sets, when Dilloway transformed from a mild-mannered, normal looking dad into this ferocious, angry, murderer, furioudly digging a wheelburrow as if he were digging a shallow grave for someone he had just murdered with a his bare hands. Definitely one of my favorite sets of the weekend.

Pax Titania: We missed this dude's set because he was playing the same time as Nevari Butchers. It Bummed me out because this was that kid that let us in, Bobby's friend.

Eskimo King: The Eskimo King is the other dude from Mouthus, Brian Sullivan. Over the years he's transformed his appearance from gawky, protypically lame looking tennis hipster, to a gruff, homeless, haggard, and worn looking fisherman with huge biceps. He has transformed himself into The Eskimo King. His set was fucking awesome as he played some frantic guitar drone. That is pretty weird to do, play some drone that sounds that anxious, but if you've heard Brian's guitar playing, it's about as insane as it gets. I really loved his set and it made me wish I could move to Alaska to become an Eskimo King, if only so I could look as cool as he does now.

Nautical Almanac: After Brian's set, we made it upstairs to watch Nautical Almanac from the balcony. Their set was utterly amazing. This was the best I've seen Nautical Almanac. I had to represent them, being that they are from Baltimore and they are the closest DC has to noise leaders in the scene. So I was completely blown away when I saw their set up. They had a sheet over the stage and on that sheet were projected clips of various unsettling and droning images that if under the correct state would probably cause seizures or suicides. Eyes surveying the crowd, clips of monotonous laundromats washing machines, it was a complete mindfuck. Then the lights lit up Carly and Twig in the back and synced to the beat of this effect Twig had casued which made it sound like a heartbeat. So as the heart was beating, the lights were flashing. It was one of the more visually and sonically impressive sets of the entire weekend. Their noise was like the sound of a psychedlic breakdown complete with screaming, awesome effects, droning segways, and the rapidly decreaing sound of a heartbeat. I was so happy that they played and that they were able to do some much in so little time. Gotta represent that Bank baby. West Baltimore 4 LYFE!!!


Baby Cobra Headsz: We ran down cause we heard this crazy sound come from the downstairs area and we walked into a sea of noise. I was immediately drawn in and looking forward to the set, when all of a sudden they stop, and go into this incredibly shitty and just God-awful song about love, and puppies or some shit--I dunno. This band was fucking, just terrible. It really was of the most offensive things to my ears I've ever heard. I can go on but I wouldn't do that. This bad might be the shittiest, gayest, crappiest band ever. How they got on No Fun, I have no idea. The gall of this band to try and play electronic twee pop-punk at No Fun. NExt time I see this band, I will come prepared with a sack of doorknobs and some bricks.

*IMPORTANT INTERLUDE*
As I was walking bac up from that hideous wreck, I saw Carly from Nautical Almanac looking around. She then turned around and saw me.

Carly: You, you're the first face I see that looks nice and sweet enough to where you can help me. I recognize your familiar face. You look like you will help me.
Me: Yeah, I've seen you guys a bunch of times, I from DC. I go up to the Bank sometimes and catch shows.
Carly: YEAH! I've seen you at DC shows and the area. Will you come help us move our equipment out to the car?
Me: Yeah sure, no problem.

So Carly lead me and another Chris, Chris Forgues (aka KITES) to the backstage area to help them move their equipment to the car with Twig. I carried their projector out to the car and thanked them for an incredible set. Twig remembered me from the Bank, DC and also L.A as he had been in L.A for some shows a couple of times. I got to talking to Carly about their set and about everything going on in Baltimore and in particular Max (DJ Dog Dick) and his back problems.
Me: So how's Max doing, I haven't seen him in almost a year and last I saw him, his back was really messed up. He was like hoveling around, barely moving.
Carly: Max is fine. It's all in his head. He just had a psychological trigger that went off and triggered the back problems.
Me: He told me he was like dancing or acting dumb and he just tweaked it.
Carly: We all have these psychological barriers that cause us to ail phsyically. It's like the physical effects the psychological. Like you, what hurts you.
Me: *stumbles through dumb examples of pet peeves awkwardly*
Carly: No no no, like what pains you physically.
Me: *more dumb idiotic rambling*
Carly: No, no, no like--okay--do you wake up feeling good in the morning or throughout the day?
Me: No. My stomach constantly hurts.
Carly: There you go, there's you're psychological barrier. Do you have like breathing problems?
Me: Yeah as a matter of fact, I have recently. I saw a doctor for it, he gave me an inhaler.
Carly: do you use it?
Me: Yeah.
Carly: see you don't need that. That's material. It's a psycholigcal trigger. All you need to do is just stop and breathe. That's it. Like right now *points to me retardedly crossing my arms*, you are crossing your arms, you're preventing air to enter your airways and constricting your solerplexes.
Me:...woah...you're right.
Carly: Here *as she takes a gulp of this tea-looking substance* have some of this, it helps.
Me: Yeah sure *takes a big heaping gulp*. mmm not bad, what is it?
Carly: It's Ayahuasca.
Me: *not knowing what the hell that is and looking like an idiot for not knowing*, Oh. ok. *takes sip* Thanks.

We continued talking about my stomach problems until Twig pulled the car around to go park. The rest of the night, for all intents and purposes was me tripping my fucking nutsack and retaded face off and not realizing it until it really REALLY hit around Skaters and Emeralds. If ever there was a night to get nice and dosed though, it was tonight, with the rest of the night (minus Hair Police) consisting of droners, I had no idea for what was to happen. I had no idea what this shit was and what it had in store until Frank informed me later on and then the REAL [no] FUN started...



TO BE CONTINUED.

Scumbag Casanova

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Hospital
Part of my No Fun Brooklyn experience had to include a visit to the world renowned, Hospital Records, located in the cellar/basement of Jammyland, a reggae record store. You don't get more dirty, grimy, and harsh than that my friend. Two years ago Dominick Fernow (Prurient) opened up Hospital in the cellar of the space with the intention of it being somewhere neat for he and his friends to hang out. According to Dom, Thurston Moore, Lee Ronaldo and Sutclifee Jugend are regulars. Oh you know, now big deal. A year later, I was at a show at the Warehouse and was talking to one of the Mouthus dudes and he told me that it's become much more than that--that Dom is actually making a living off the record store and the mailorders he gets from various customers (such as myself).

So like I said, Hospital is located in the cellar of a fucking Reggae Record store. It's hard to find and it's location--once again in a cellar--basically ensures its literal underground status. It's location also ensures that anyone that comes into the store has done some research, knows about the type of music that is sold there and is looking for something in particular. Dom has done something really unique with this store and he has made a literal mecca for noise kids and anyone else who is just curious. I mean half of the fun is finding the place and basking in its dingy awesomeness. I mean God forbid someone fart in that room. I shutter to think the smells that perculate from there during summer. But it's no big deal being that the record store above it smells like a Damion Marley concert.

So Saturday Frank and I woke up after a somewhat decent sleep and decided we would head over to Hospital before doors opened for Day Two. The night before at No Fun Frank had gotten into a haggling argument with Dom over whether or not Frank wanted this Nicole 12 7" that was just put out on Freak Animal.

Dom: You were the guy asking for the Nicole 12 7 inch. I got it. I found it. But you don't want it.
Frank: I think I want it.
Dom: Believe me, you don't want it.
Frank: No, I really really want it. And now that you say this, I definitely want it.
Dom: Just be prepared for the price. You have to ask yourself "am I willing to spend this much on a 7 inch".
Frank: I don't look at it as 40 dollars for music. I look at this Nicole 12 purchase as an investment with rewards.
Dom: Okay, fine. But it ain't going to be pretty.

So the next day we drive over to Brooklyn and park way far away from Hospital and spend half an hour trying to find it. We had planned on being there around two but due to the night before we needed an extra two hours to recoop. So we got there around four. Located just east of the Bowery we find Jammyland with the shitty Hospital sign hanging in the front. We've found it. As I walk in there the stench is heavy of weed and incense. I see a dude in dreads restocking stuff and another plain looking white dude handling things in the back. "Is Dom there," I asked. "Yeah he should be. He hasn't left yet."


The sights. (some dude took this)

We follow the signs that point down and say "To Hospital" as if directing us towards an actual haven for the wounded--as if we were actually heading to an real hospital. I see the shoddy looking step ladder leading down to a cellar and Frank instantaneously climbs down. I take a few more seconds as my first step on the chair is a little heavy and I feel the piece of shit wood buckle and sway underneath me. I can hear the wood crack and the ladder creaking as if it is about to snap and take me down with it to the cold hard cement six feet below. Basically, Dom also ensures that Hospital is inaccessible to the disabled and coordinatedly challenged as well. I guess Dom just hates cripples.

There is an element of danger to going to Hospital, almost as if you realize you are risking some part of your will being. Climbing down a dangerous and old step ladder into a small room that is nothing but concrete and cement has got to have some hazardous elements, but I think the element that is most hazardous is the mental element that comes with going to this place. There has to be something a little wrong and a little sadistic in a person's mind to go so far as to risk their well-being to find a record store. People come here every day and in their own masochistic way enjoy the danger of possibly hurting themselves just to find and enter this place. Simply put: the people that come here--there has to be something wrong with them. I mean the man who runs it has put out such albums as "The History of AIDS" "Cocaine Death" and "Troubled Sleep". That says it all. If he runs it, then there has to be a level of emotional and metal instability for patrons to frequent such an establishment. Hence: Chris and Frank.


Dom & Hospital(taken by some dude a long time ago when Dom obviously still had boyish charm)

As I make my way down the ladder into the tiny room I immediately recognize Dom and the two men he is talking to and hanging out with. Oh no big deal, Frank and I just walk into Hospital and find Dominick Fernow, Philip Best, and Mikko Aspa all standing around drinking beers and paling around. No big deal, just three of the biggest names in noise in THE ENTIRE WORLD. It was so surreal to just walk into a place like that and find these men just standing around joking and drinking. Dom was razzing Philip on his choice of black metal albums. "Oh--oh you want that guitar center shit--we don't sell that shit here MAN." Meanwhile I look over at Frank and he is gushing at the mere prescence of Mikko Aspa, his hero, his icon--the man behind Deathspell, Grunt and of course Nicole 12. Dom immediately recognized us, "oh you guys, well look what I got." He pulled out Mikko's 7 inch from Nicole 12 disturbingly titled "Braces", one of a very few left in the world.


The actual layout (almost true to size).

Dom: Do you want to pay for it now and get it over with?
Frank: No I want to look around.
Dom: Okay, well be prepared it's going to be painful.

Frank spent forty dollars on the album and it was extremely worth it. To listen to one of the last pressings of an album so disturbing, so vile, so fucked up, so offensive, so insulting, so angering on so many levels that it has been banned in certain areas--it was well worth it. I picked up a couple of things and paid for them and talk to Dom a little bit about what was going down for tonight. As we were leaving, Frank turns to Mikko and turns bright red. Holding his new purchase in hand Frank walks up to him.

Frank: I just--I just--I love everything you've ever done.
Mikko: *Stupid dumb retarded-kid look on his face*
Frank: I just wanted to say that
Mikko: *Blank mentally challenged smile on his face*
Dom: You'll have to excuse him, he's a little um--he's a little slow.
Philip:...and he's been drinking so he's slower.

Holding our new purchases in a conspicuous looking black paper bag we walked up the ladder and back to the car, simply amazed at our encounter. I was just floored completely. This was definitely part of the weekend I HAD TO EXPERIENCE. It WAS part of the No Fun experience. Seeing them all in one area and talking to them. It was beyond amazing. We looked pretty suspicious with our black paper bags and I guess that's kind of the point of the bags. With each purchase, they kind of urge you to get a bag. When you walk out of there you have this suspicous looking black paper bag with stuff in there, almost as if what you just bought was like pornography. It is not meant to be seen by other eyes, only yours. THere is some sort of sadistic enjoyment you get in listening to this music. And it is a purchase for your own self-satisfaction so in a way, you really are buying porn. And that is the final piece to this Hospital experience. Not only do you have to be a little sick to seek out and frequent the joint, but the experience leaves you a little ashamed as you walk out and people stare at your bag thinking the worst thoughts of you and judging you based on the gross, disturbing, and perverted things they think you have in your bag. The funny thing is, you actually do.



More from Brooklyn later!

- More-anal

Scumbag Casanova

Monday, May 19, 2008

No Fun Fest Part I
No Fun came this year and I made it a priority to get my ass up to Brooklyn any way I could to see it. There was no way I was missing this again. So I woke up early, took the Greyhound up to Philly where my boy Frank picked me up and drove to New York from there. When we got there we found great parking and we boozed it up in his car before hand drinking burbon and coke through a straw. It was cute. We got out and started asking if people had any extra tickets. This one girl came up to us and said she had tickets but that we'd have to "wait". So time passed and she came back to us and asked my what my name was. I said, "Chris" and she went, "oh nevermind, I thought you were someone else." She walked away and we were fucking pissed and extremely angry.

We waited outside for a couple of more minutes before she came back up to us and said she didn't want her tickets, that all she wanted to do was meet Thurston Moore, which she did. Her dad drove her 14 hours from Canada, so that she could meet Thurston Moore for like a few minutes and talk to him. Wow, what a dad (keep Thurston in mind because there is a funny story I will tell soon enough about him). If that were me I would have killed her for even trying to sell the tickets. Whatever the case, it was really cool of her to do that and Frank and I were able to get in without much of a delay. It was fucking awesome. We were feeling nice and toasty and there we were going to No Fun. The rest of the night has to be told in installments as will these entries, chronicling each band's performance (or what I remember).

Workbench/Black Quarter: The first acts were Workbench and Black Quarter. Workbench is the dude from Religious Knives and Black Quarter is the girl from Religous Knives aka DOUBLE LEOPARDS. I wish they would have played a Double Leopards set because that would have been fucking rad, but they each played a solo part then played together (so they kind of played Double Leopards), before transitioning into the other person's stuff. His stuff was really good and guitar-droney, very much in the Double Leopards vein, but her shit was incredible. I wish she would have played longer because her keyboard drone was off the fucking chain.

Sickness: Sickness was the first act on the main stage and holy shit, what a way to start off the main stage performance. Chris from Sickness played one of the most unholy, unrestrained sets of harsh noise I had ever seen and it was the first main stage act. People were in utter shock as they watched him destroy his mic pack and destroy people's ears. A lot of this shit is homemade too so to watch a man do this to his own creations is nothing short of shocking. This performance was definitely one of the top five of the entire fest and it was only the first main performance. It set the tone for the rest of the weekend and foreshadowed the anger that would proceed.

Failing Lights: In what was the first of two memorable performances by Connelly, Failing Lights was basically a prelude to Hair Police's set which would be the next night. It was definitely dark, brooding, unnerving, everything you'd expect from Connelly (the star of this year's no fun fest). The eeriess of his set foreshadowed his later sets as it definitely left me unsettled and wanting more. The set wasn't that long and it didn't need to be. Connelly would have his moment in due time.

Dinosaurs with Horns: I looked at this performance as more of something we had to watch as a duty. They were two old dudes playing dark ambient drone/soundscape scores. It wasn't bad but it definitely wasn't too memorable. I watched most of it then made my way downstairs to see if Sewer Election (who I had heard a lot about) was playing...

Sewer Election...little did I know Sewer Election had started during the old dinosaurs' set was already starting the first riot of the No Fun Weekend. People were going off for this dude's set and I have to say, I was extremely impressed. I really liked what I heard and the fact that this dude that looked like a stoner could work the crowed into such a frenzy was impressive. His stuff was really really gritty but clean. I made it a priority after witnessing only 3 minutes of his set to get something of his within the course of the weekend. Great great set. One of the more impressive for a young act during the weekend.

Randy Yau: We missed most of this crazy dude's set although we walked in at the best part. He was going completely insane on stage breaking and shit took a bite out of something, screamed and spit all out on the crowd. Fucking asians are fucking insane. I really wish we could have caught all of his set, but I was thoroughly satisified with the last bit we saw.

some lady took this.

Jason Crumer: We hurried back down to the second stage to catch this dude Jason Crumer's set. This was another young dude I had recieved a lot of buzz on. Dom released his first big release on Hospital and was highly recommending it as one of the darkest albums Hospital has released, at least he said this to me and Frank. Frank had agreed and told me it was really really dark, and this is coming from Frank. So based on two extremely reputable sources (it don't get much more reputable than Prurient and Frank) I had high expecations. Instead I was pretty saddened. His set wasn't bad but it wasn't really good either. No one got into his set and the fact that he had his girlfriend up there playing with him didn't help either. I bought the cd nonetheless and listened to it and for what its worth, it was one of the best noise cd's I've heard in a long time. It's definitely one of the best albums so far of 2008 and the best debut for a noise artist I've heard since like "White Plains Leather". His set though lacked the darkness and sinister element that the album has in spades. I overheard Carlos and Dom talking later and Dom had told him that he can't play as Jason Crumer and have his girlfriend up there. Carlos had told him, if it were me I wouldn't do that but if that's what you want to do, that's fine. Dom said he was pissed because he thinks the album is seriously one of the best he's ever put out on Hospital but because of a meh set, no one was buying it. I hate to agree with him, but Crumer's gotta ditch the girl (at least for that performance) and go balls out the way he does on his record. The kid will be huge though, mark my words. He's going to be fucking massive. Just give him some time--like five minutes.

Thurson Moore and Nancy Garcia: Thurston's set was very polarizing. I enjoyed it because it's fucking Thurston Moore and Nancy Garcia is a cute chick who screams really loud which in my book equals awesome. It wasn't amazing and I guess that's what people wanted it to be, being that it's Thurston fucking Moore. But Thurston doesn't really have to prove anything. He gets up there, wails on his guitar, rocks out and spazzes out. He's always done that. People want to hate on him because he's Thurston fucking Moore and they're not. They look for anything to shit on him so they can feel better about themselves and they're shitty little projects. That's bullshit. Just because he's Thurston fucking Moore doesn't mean he's some big rock star (trust me the story I tell later will make you see). He just genuinely enjoys to rock out. It's like someone once said, anyone who doesn't like Henry Rollins is a prick. Same goes here. Anyone that doesn't like THurston Moore is a prick and resentful that he was doing this shit when they were still swimming around in their daddy's ball sack. Besides that, come on people IT'S THURSTON FUCKING MOORE.


picture I didn't take (Pitchfork Media).


Greg Kelley: We missed his set because we went back to the car to drink more bourbon.

Burning Star Core: Spencer is doing a lot of different things now a days. It's a huge leap from where he was on "Operator Dead". "Blood Lightning" kind of shows this and I just heard his new joint, "Challenger" which as the title implies is much more complex and structured. His noise is starting to become actual songs and you can tell the noise samurai is starting to really hone his craft. He is getting better and better with each album he puts out and his sets reflect this. He got trevor from Hair Police, Nate from Religious Knives and another girl I don't know to go up there and play with him. I've seen him before and usually his goes through his set as most noise sets go, continuously in an improvisational manner. However, in keeping with his new found structured song-theme, he actually played songs with the group that were really fucking good. They bordered on a space-jazz feel with a lot of the songs have complex rythyms with Spencer holding it down with his masterful violin playing. It was a great great set, and for something very different I was plesantly suprised. I was halfway expecting it to be not as good as his other sets, but he proved me wrong and played an awesome set. The last song featured his trademark sounds with him, Trevor and the girl screaming into microphone in increasingly louder intevrals. It sounded like they were turning into super-seins (which I'm sure Spencer already is). It was awesome.

Dude took it.

Handicapper Hornz: I went to the bathroom and on my way out noticed Olson for the first time in the night. I meant to say hi but he was walking pretty fast before someone asked him, "yo John you playing now" to which Olson replied, "yep". He got on stage with that same girl from the set before who busted ass to get to the second stage and the same dude from Religious Knives and they proceeded to play some fucking fierce free jazz-punk. It was fucking awesome. Olson ran into the crowd and started the pit going. The pit going fucking rowdy and crazy as Olson kept running into the crowd and making it bigger, larger and faster. It was definitely the first riot of the weekend. People were losing their shit. At one point I didn't even see it but then felt a huge weight push me forward. I looked down and saw it was Olson tackling me and driving me into the crowd. I stopped and pushed forward and we wrestled for what seemed like 15 or 20 seconds. It was fucking awesome. I was surprised I held my own pretty well, he's a big dude. I threw him back on stage and he continued to blast off until their set was over. When it was I went up to Olson and gave gim a huge hug. "Yo man, I'm really glad to see you made it up." "I'm really glad I got to see that." It was a cool moment for me as we shook hands and walked off stage.

White Out: White Out was Carlos, Spencer and someone else I don't really remember. We missed a good deal of it but came in halfway to see some awesome collobarations. You could see Carlos working the timing out perfectly being the perfectionist he is. It was a good set, once again a prelude for a person's future set (in this case Carlos).

Damion Romero: Damion Romero was headlining the second stage and I wanted to see him just to support my local L.A scene. I have seen him many times before and his sets aren't amazing. They are what they are, just sraight out drone. I didn't understand it when I first saw it back when I was like 18, but now that I've gotten into a lot more droney shit, I have a new found appreciation. Besides, after Olson's set we needed something to calm us down and end the night smoothly. I kind of got lost in the drone for a while, zoning out and staring into space or closing my eyes. Before I knew it, his set was over and I guess that's his big joke on us. People like to accuse drone of being boring and without surprises, but if you ever see it live and really get into it, you'll realize the tricks they play with time, your mind and your conciousness. Clever fucking bastard that Romero dude. LEGALIZE L.A!

Tony Conrad and MV Carbon: I was reading some kid's blog about No Fun and in it he basically bitched and whined like a little bitch about his life and barely talked about No Fun. The only thing he mentioned was about Tony Conrad and MV Carbon changing his life and making him feel alive. BULLSHIT. They're first half an hour was good and after that, it should have been over. I was feeling them for the first half hour before they stopped, and then started all over with something else. They're set was scheduled for 40 minutes and they played well past an hour. They played half an hour into ASTRO's set and after 45 minutes I left to go hang out with Frank as many others did. Their set was sloppy after the half hour mark and just fucking boring as shit. This was definitely one of the biggest dissappointments of the weekend. By the time they were done, people had begun to leave and no one was left for Astro which fucking sucked. Thanks Tony Conrad, you fucking arrogant bastard. Any music that is an inspiration to kids like the one I mentioned "blogging his feeling on his dark opressive hole that is his rainy New York life" is bound to be full of hot air. Thanks for driving out the crowd jerks.


once again, I didn't take this they (Pitckfork) did.

Astro: I really really REALLY wished people had stuck around for this. Easily one of the best performance on the entire weekend. His set offest all the bad vibes from the last set and completely fucking blew me and my eardrums away. Astro the monster space noise ninja from Japan came on stage, lighted incense and proceeded to rape the hearing of everyone who was left in the audience until the incense burned all the way down. It was spacey, harsh, destructive, it was like watching the Alien from the movie "Alien" take a bunch of steroids, then destroy everything and everyone in a roid induced rage. I really really REALLY enjoyed Astro's set. There was this really fucked up kid in the crowd that I almost decked. At one point these two dudes (who I would later find out where from Cathode Terror Secretion, which makes a whole lotta sense now), started fucking this kid up. One dude was fishhooking the kid, slamming his head into the stage while this tall huge motherfucking was grabbing him by the shirt and wailing on his face. This is what Astro made this kid do. It made him get attacked and beaten by two huge men. And that is the perfect metaphor for what Astro did to my hearing. After his set I couldn't hear shit and I went to bed with my ears ringing. I woke up the next day and nothing had changed.


So that was Day One from No Fun. Stay Tuned for day two, my Hospital experience and plus I'll probably write about all the money I blew on music, whores, and drugs. AWWWWWWWW HORSEAPPLES!

- C-note

Scumbag Casanova

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My Favorite Five Tim and Eric Sketches of Season 2

So yes, season two of Tim and Eric has ended which can only mean one thing: A NEW SERIES OF TOP 5 SKETCHES!!! This season was just as difficult if not harder because the sketches were so hilarious. This season was also more deranged which can only mean more amazing scenes. I wish I could expand it to a top 10 but I would be here all night debating in my head. Besides, most of them would just have James Quall in it somehow. Anyways, here are my top 5 sketches for Tim and Eric Season 2!

5.) Pumpers

4.) Kids Break: Teen Edition

3.)Ohh Mama

2.) Zwei Dungel Jungen (Two Dark Boys)

1.) Come Over (By Far the Most Distubring Thing Tim and Eric have ever put out.)


Honorable Mentions: "Sit on You" "Petite Feet" "Spahgett" or any sketch with James Quall.

That's it folks! Stay Tuned for Season 3 which will no doubt be the most amazing thing you ever seen.

Scumbag Casanova

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

$Five Dollar Footlong$

So about two months ago Subway started this promotion called "five dollar footlong" where they have certain sandwiches for five dollars. The song is seriously the catchiest jingle I have heard for any promotion in the recent years. They really know how to market and advertise. First, that whole Jared promotion, and now the five dollar footlong jingle seems to be getting them huge business.

I say this because the song is stuck in my head like fucking crazy. It's like "We Built This City" on crack in its catchiness. I find myself humming it and singing along to the commercial whenever it comes on mimicing the "footlong" gesture they do in the commercial in reference to a certain one of my body parts (no I am not above that at all, and yes I am extremely immature in every way). Now let me state first, for the record, I FUCKING HATE SUBWAY. Once again, I FUCKING HATE SUBWAY. I think their sandwiches are for the most part, disgusting and unsanitay. I have gotten sick many times from eating there and I just generally hate it. I discovered their pizzas which for a while weren't so bad. I could tolerate them, until one day I got the worst case of ass destruction and from then on I have renounced Subway once again.

So what the fuck does this have to do with anything? Well the other night Kelly and I were extremely hungry and we had little money as we always do, but there was nothing open on campus and we couldn't spend a shitload on take out. I reiterate I FUCKING HATE SUBWAY. But later on that night I found myself chomping down on a sandwich and not even really realizing where I had got it from. I looked down at the wrapper and realized, "Holy shit, I just ate at Subway". Seems Subway is the only place open late on campus and I had suggested it and legitamately seemed interested in the suggestion.

Basically the moral of the story is Subway are fucking crafty bastards. THey are geniuses and I am just another normal sap for good marketing. Just another number for them. Their subliminal advertising works perfectly and I am a sucker for consumer advertising. You might laugh at me and proclaim yourself higher than that, but the next time you find yourself randomly chomping down on a piece of coporate hoagie and realize you are eating Subway, think of me and remember. But more importantly think of FIVE--FIVE DOLLAR--FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLOOOOOONG.

-CWaY