Don't Put the Blame On Favre
Hey look, I’m the biggest AP fan out there. But after last night I have to say something. Adrian Petersen, you are not yet the best running back in the National Football League. You are not ready for the big time. Because when it comes down to it, “the only” flaw in your game turned out to be the one that cost the Vikings the game.

Oh sure, you can blame it on Favre’s “gunslinger mentality” but can you blame him? AP had turned it over twice already. And on that drive, he put it on the ground again! Thank god a linemen was there to recover the ball, otherwise the Vikings might not had even made over time.


Adrian Peterson is by far the most physical, hard-nosed, intimidating runner in the game. However, his style of running is suited for losing the football. AP doesn’t shy away from getting hit, he welcomes it. And while this might make him look like a hard-ass, it also doubles the propensity for the ball getting knocked out. The worst thing is, after two years, and hearing line after line of, “you need to protect that ball,” AP can't hold the thing to take care of his life. If he weren’t so powerful we might have another Wendell “oops” Taylor on our hands.


Look AP, Tiki corrected this. Marcus Allen corrected this. Barry Sanders corrected this. There is no reason that in the off season you can’t work on holding on to the god damned ball. I just don’t know if you will have a quarterback as good as Favre to back it up. T-Jack is due for a good season, but the ol man was a sure thing. And you let him, and the entire state of Minnesota down.

I don’t want everyone to pin this on Favre, because if I were in the same position, 3rd and 15 I might have done the same, with your track record. The only mistake on Favre’s part was not insisting that Chester Taylor came in. For all we know he might have been pleading with Childress to put Chester in, with all their problems. In the end though, it was the dissidence between quarterback and head coach that influenced the call and it was AP that was the WHOLE REASON behind their lack of ability to find a definite play. If I’m Brett, at the line, and have no idea what my coach wants, I’m throwing the ball. No way in hell I’m turning it over to my renegade back who likes to cough it up every single friggin time it gets in his hands. Don’t blame the old dude. Blame the young gun.

Adrian, BOTH HANDS ON THE BALL. You have 7 months to figure this out.

- jawk

Scumbag Casanova

Monday, January 18, 2010

Insomniac's Know Funny
I'm really bummed about the way NBC did Conan dirty like that. Conan was by far there most talented talk show host within the last twenty years and I was looking forward to growing old with him as my Tonight Show host, someone who has been there with me since I was a little night owl watching absurd sketches and laughing my ass off.



Unfortunately no one at NBC gives two shits about having a familiar face for a progressing demographic. After all, you ask any 18 year old about Jack Parr and their bound to reminisce over the days spent in front of the tv with Lawrence Welk and the hours upon hours Pat Boone was played on the phonograph. So instead, they are bringing back Jay Leno, who in all honesty, probably knew from the get go that when he left the Tonight Show, he was going to weasel his way back some how. Jay Leno is the most pathetic piece of shit I have ever seen in my entire life and it just so happens that he's also pathetically unfunny. I remember driving past him when he was doing Jaywalking screaming, "GET THE FUCK OFF THE AIR ALREADY." He's probably doing this just to spite me.

And the thing about late night programming is that in terms of talk-shows, it is a dyng breed. Networks like adultswim and comedy central have already taken to siphoning a huge chunk of their ever decreasing market. Who needs David Letterman when you can watch something funnier on any other channel? The only person who seems to be thriving under these circumstance is Jimmy Kimmel, who has a pretty good show, and in my opinion is set to become the new king of late night with this deseperate move NBC has made. Being the king of late night in this day and age though, don't really mean shit. And while Kimmel is good, it isn't great. It's night Late Night with Conan (and Fallon, even with all that talent backing him on the writing staff, cannot carry that program to save his life).

Craig Ferguson is likeable and everyone likes to hear him speak in his accent. That program suffers from overediting and the fact that they tape most of the music segments which adds to the already sterile feeling that CBS gives off with most of it's programming. I seriously believe that with the end of Conan's stint on Tonight, goes the end of the last true Late Night spirits. And Conan, classy as always, has stuck to his guns and told NBC to go fuck themselves. He is better than that, and he always has been. When he first started out, NBC gave him a show-to-show contract which was something not only unheard of, but amazingly insulting basically saying that we reserve the right to pull the plug at any point without letting you know. Hell, for one night it actually was pulled and cancelled. Then when it caught on, NBC realized they needed someone there and kept him there in silence. And when the Tonight Show news broke, Conan learned he would have to wait five years before that abortion Jay Leno would sign off. AND AFTER ALL THAT. AFTER ALL THAT SHIT, Jay decides to have another show. NBC bitched him around for near twenty years, and after all that, I'm sure Conan realized that you can only be a company man for so long. When that company isn't your company anymore, it's time to say adios assholes.

NBC is in a sorry ass state. If not for Heroes, that network has absolutely nothing. One of it's highest rated programs is a show that is the flagship of THE FRIDAY NIGHT BLOCK!! THE FRIDAY NIGHT BLOCK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??! When sorry ass shows like Big Bang Theory and Two and Half Men are kicking your ass, you know you're fucking up. So that's the reason for this bitch move? This reversion to old ways. It worked in 1994, it will work now! No way dudes, you guys are dead in the water. And will be until you fix stupid shit like this with your retarded ass network.

As for the state of Late Night Talk Show programming, I feel bad. As I stated earlier, there really hasn't been any good shows besides Conan to come out that really had people saying, "NOW THAT'S FUNNY!" There hasn't been any progression (as evidence by NBC's pussying out). And I don't think there will be. Conan said he wouldn't stand by and be a part in the destruction of part of American culture and he was right to say so.

Aside from Conan to me, there has only been one really funny show. It was on Vh1. It was cancelled after two weeks, because no one knew who this guy was and thought his sense of humor was too offputting and weird. That dude, was Zack Galifianakis. That dude is currently the hottest name in comedy right now. I became a fan of Zach watching this show and his stand-up specials early last decade and if his success has taught me anything, it's that networks don't know the first thing about what it means to be funny.

This is a clip from after his show had been cancelled. They were allowed to put out the rest of the month, but after word came down, the theme of The Show being a Lame Duck and dead in the water became the whole premise of the show, which made for some of the most brilliant and hilarious sketches and bits I have ever seen in late night. When you know you're being cancelled and are basically just killing time, how do you go out there and try and be funny? Answer: make the end as drawn out, depressing and awkward as possible. Make it part of your show. In this show, Zach says that everyone else went to another show by accident, so they only were able to get one audience member. Because there were no people to laugh, they had to use a laugh track. The rest is fucking gold.


They don't make em like that anymore. They don't want to.

Scumbag Casanova

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

4
I worked really hard to try and come up with a decent list of the top albums of the last decade. I racked my brain for two months, even went so far as to make a list of them. It was too hard. There were too many albums for me to name, too many moments for me to overcome. This last decade was the decade I became who I am. So of course certain albums weigh heavier than others and I might leave out a bunch because they just weren't that important to me. For me personally Low Level Owl trumps Kid A everytime. And although everyone will disagree with me, they will never understand why. So Rather than try and justify how each album meant so much to me, I decided to go with bands and artists. And instead of going all over the place, I simplified it to four Because any more and I would have gotten picky, and any less I would have been remisce in mentioning others. These last ten years were my formative years and the years that made me into th adult I am today. I started off a 13 year old, horny, snot-nosed punk and came out a 22 year old defeated drunk. These were the bands that meant the most to me. These were the bands that kept me going. And in many cases, these were the bands that kept me alive. It's been a crazy fucking decade for me to grown up in, here are the bands that helped me through.

4.)Prurient

I have had personal idols before (check earlier entries for mentions of the big three), but until Dom came along, none of them every seemed accessable. Most of them were these monolithic figures I built up in my head that sustained on the premise of myth and legend. In many ways, they are almost bloated, but I guess I preferred it that way. When I met Dom, I had no idea what he was about, what he did, or how he would go about changing the landscape of music as I knew it. He seemed like a shy, geeky type of dude that was touring with Wolf Eyes. Dom introduced to me a world I knew nothing of. PE, Drone, harsh electronics, Prurient ran the gamut of all noise genres and was able to incorporate it within every single release without losing consistency or worse, a lack of identity. I did not have a musical identity until I heard Prurient. I can still remember Olson turning to me, "you've never heard Prurient before?" I was ashamed. Here one of my idols was asking me why I had never heard Prurient before, and I was but an eigtheen year old noob. I witnessed my first Prurient performanc and was on the verge of tears. I had never seen so much anger, so much rage, so much depression, in any performance of anything ever. And it was just Dom, his pedals, and his microphone. Over the years his sounds have changed drastically from release to release and it never ceases to amaze me how every album is equally as consistent in terms of quality but radically different in terms of its sonic variaions. The best part is, I know Dom. Dom knows me. He isn't some myth that I could never even dream of talking to. I walk into Hospital and he greets me and asks me how things are going. To me, the fact that someone who has had such an impact on me artistically knows, recognizes, and cares about what I have to say is one of the best feelings in the world. The last time he was in DC was when Cold Cave was playing (Dom is also in Cold Cave with Wes [1/3 of the three]). While I can't talk to Wes, I feel familiar enough with Dom where conversing comes easy. And it just so happens he is one of the most important musical figures to me ever. I gave him a huge hug and shooted the shit with him a while. Prurient aside from all the familiar reasons, is one of the greatest musical forces in music today. Each album represents an emotion that is rarely tapped into our hearts and many times considered taboo. There is a reason I listen to the music I listen to. There is a reason I make the music I make. There is a reason I make art in the first place. And most of it I owe to this man, Dominick Fernow. Prurient.

3.)Mates of State

Obviously there is a huge gap between Prurient and Mates of State musically, but in terms of years, not so much. Mates of State was my it band for this decade. I first heard them when I saw them live, at a show where they opened up for the Mars Volta (their second show together and no one knew who they were) and The Anniversary (who sucked live). They were the best thing I saw that night and at the ripe old age of 14, I knew I had found something special. Since then I have seen Mates of State more than any other band, a record 10, that's right TEN times. To this day, if they are in the city I am in, I will go and see them. Because no one makes me sing along more, dance, and act like a little teenage girl, more than this band. Mates of State was the gap between the midwestern emo I dug so much, and more artistic of indie bands that I was always so hesitant to get into. I could have put the Get Up Kids or the Promise Ring up here, but saying they were as important to me as Mates of State would be a lie. I have never seen neither of those bands. And MOS was it for me. They were my band. That was my thing. I knew all the songs. I Knew all the trivia and was a general fanboy for the periods of 2001-2005. Their catchy hooks, moody ryhthms and emo sensibility struck a huge chord with me and I could not get enough of them. I must have played "Our Constant Concern" at least over 1000 times on CD. For someone trying to find their way in relationships and trying to figure out what it meant to "grow up", the music was none more perfect. Kori and Jason still mean a lot to me and the next time I see them I will let them know. The fact that they were married also served as something extra cool for me. Like I knew out of everything that was so fucked up in the world, Kori and Jason would still be there, my surrogate parents, telling me it was okay to cry over a girl and not to be afraid to put myself out there again. It seems really lame, but I love this band to know ends, and would defy anyone else to find a band more loving, catchy, and familial. My family life was always so fucked, but at least I could escape with these two into my own world, where my family wasn't so manic, and everything was alright.

2.)Wolf Eyes

Okay, so where Prurient taught me everything I needed to know about artistic merit, raw emotion, and aesthetic sensibility in music, Wolf Eyes were always there to destroy it. I have never wanted to party so hard, drink so much, and be more of a punk-ass then when I listen to this band. The thing is, it's not just the band on whole. While Wolf Eyes as an entity is extremely important, the solo projects and albums have had almost more of an impact. And all of it is within this Wolf world. I think of everything that has mattered to me this decade, "Andrew W.K" "Olson's Beer's" "Dilloway's Concealed" all of these things are products of Wolf Eyes. I first became familiar with the ways of the wolves when I heard W.K's "Party Hard" and thought it was amazing. This girl I was trying to bone called me a poser for liking it, and one thing you don't call 14 year old Chris, is a poser. I ditched her and dedicated my life to learning the ways of W.K which eventually led me to his former band, Wolf Eyes. simply put in the words of Mr. Wilkes Krier himself, "WOLF EYES RULES". The first time I heard "Stabbed in the Face" I picked up my calculator and threw it through my window, shattering it, and causing my father to become irate. I paid for the window, but never apologized for what I did. This was noise. This was punk. This was how I felt, and I knew at that moment I would never be the same. Since then, I have followed the Wolf dudes religiously becoming friends with Olson and Connelley and making sure to pick up whatever I can from them as almost everything they release is of quality stature. Their major releases have gone from broken hardcore, to seething, spiteful and downright nasty noise hatred which has pretty much described my musical evolution from the age of 18 to now. I cannot think of a band this decade that has had more of an influence on the way I feel, the way I act, and the way I want to be more than Wolf Eyes. I will forever raise my arm in defiance everytime I hear Black Vomit. Clenching my fist in one hand and chugging a beer in the other, right before spitting it out on everyone. I love this band because they make me feel good. They gave me a place in this world as a young adult. They let me know that while partying is rad, so is being intellectual. Olson is one of the smartest cats I've ever met, and drinking and talking with him gaveme a better view of how I wanted to be as a person. Drinking is cool, but reading is so much cooler. The minute I heard Wolf Eyes, I wasn't so alienated anymore and I understood where I fit in this world. They make me feel good for who I am and I am not ashamed. As musicians and as artists, I'm sure they could ask for nothing more. And I ask for nothing in return, except to keep jamming, keep screaming and keep ruling. Yea, Wolf Eyes fucking rules man.

1.)At the Drive-In

So while all the other bands had personal effects on me, At the Drive-In was and ALWAYS WILL BE the MOST IMPORTANT MUSICAL FORCE TO ME IN THIS DECADE. They were primarly active in the nineties, but no album has had more of a profound influence on me the last ten years, the way Relationship of Command did. When I heard this album the musical flood gates opened up. I can honestly say if it weren't for this band, I would have never even given acts like Wolf Eyes or Prurient a chance. Musically, it was one of the most diverse things I had ever heard. And as I listened more and more to each of their previous efforts, I saw the progression from amazing post-hardcore outfit, to musical genius. This goes for everyone. Cedric and Omar unfairly get all the credit, but Jim Ward and the rest of the crew deserves just as much kudos for the impact this band has had on my musical taste. I was a young Mexican emo kid, not sure of where his musical senses were going to take him, when I saw a group of afro-haired Mexican dudes (much like myself), making the most aurally inspiring punk rock I had ever heard. I wanted to shout. I wanted to dance. I wanted to scream my love for this band from a mountain top. When all of sudden, it was all over. And you know what, I'm happy it was. Because I don't think they could have ever topped that in a million years. Sparta was ok and so was Mars Volta, but neither group compared to the majestic sound that came through speakers when "Cosmonaut" came on. Nothing compared to being "heavier than air". While ATDI may not have made very relatable music (god knows the lyrics were more convuluted than Lost plot lines) the actual sound that was produced was unlike anything I had ever heard before. It was the first time aside from Refused (my favorite band ever) that I felt I was listening to real, authentic, well-produced, well-crafted, music. It was the first time I appreciated musicianship on a record and to this day, it stands as a testament to some of the greatest muscians I have ever seen. The vocals, the guitars, the samples, the drums, everything about this band was amazing. It was loud, aggressive, and so different from anything I heard or would ever hear again. ATDI is the reason I became the person musically I am today and I shudder to think what might have happened to me if I had have never heard Cedric's shrill voice screaming at me to "send transmission".



That's it. I don't feel I did any of these artists justice. You can't really fit into words how important each of these bands are to me. I can write books on them. Just know that these were the four that did it for me. And these are the four you see in me, everytime you see me on the street begging for change.

- Cmo