DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT.

It's DRAFT TIIIIMMMEEE!!!Every year this happens and some people think it's lame, others like me can't wait. It's when my favorite sport (College Football) combines with my other favorite sport (pro football) for a day of fun, happiness, sorrow, dispair, and sexual arrousal.

So every year I do my SHOULD DO's and WILL DO's for the draft season and talk about the top five teams as well as other notables. This year is no different. It's a weird class and as we all know some filthy Mexicans have snuck there way into the draft this year undetected. Why can't they do it the real way, the KING KONG Munoz-way. *sigh*...well here goes...

1.)Detroit Lions
SHOULD DO: I've been saying this for a long time now, The Lions need to maximize all that they can with THIS PICK, THE AVAILABLE MARKET, and the SALARY ALOTTED. I am a notorious cheapskate and one who looks to save a penny anywhere I go. If I were Michael Mayhew, it would be no different. There are talks of Vick going to The Raiders (of course), but if I were Mayhew, I would take my chance and wait until he is eligible and immediately sign Vick at a dirt cheap rate. Literally, Vick might play for real peanuts, or at least walnuts. He's a playmaker and a person you could still build around. That means for the first pick you would fix an area that is seriously lacking and NEEDS help, your O-Line. Baylor's Jason Smith is THE PERFECT FIT and not only would you have saved money, chances are you have a shot at a 500 season (no shit). There's some drama attached with this of course, but imagine if this plan actually succeeds, you have redemption in Vick and the Lions and you have a heartwarming story of a city ravaged by recession, but still fighting. Disney wants to make a movie.

WILL DO: Unforunately, I am not Mayhew, nor do the Lions legitamately care about making themselves better, which means Matthew Stafford is going to be picked first. It's in the bag. I'm not saying Stafford isn't talented, far from it. I think he's a better all around qb than Sanchez as well as better person. However, I do feel that Stafford will fall victim to the "Joey Harrington Effect" wherein you sign as QB for the Lions, take them to a 500 season, then are cast aside when they don't go to the playoffs, and replaced with a series of has-beens who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn (with the exception of Garcia, another REAL HISPANIC football player). Good luck Matt, at least in 6 years when you are maybe starting for the struggling Broncos or backing up Matt Cassell, you can look back and say, "I knew never my time with the Lions was considered the highpoint". Enter, Joey Harrington.


2.)St. Louis Rams
SHOULD DO: This really is a shitty position to be in if you are the Rams GM. You need help at QB (but you paid too much money for Bulger). You need help at RB (but there are no serious candidates). You need SO MUCH help on defense (but mainly on the line where it's too high to pick)AND you just lost Tory Holt (and Crabtree is proclaiming himself "SIR GREATNESS). If I am you, I trade down for more picks to help your struggling defense, maybe pick up Beanie Wells or Jeremy Maclin (but hopefully Maclin). You get more value from here and can pick up more picks later on to help your struggling defense, as well as your shitty offensive line which has gotten Bulger into more faceplants than a blindfolded Danger Eheren on Jackass. Barring all this, given the Lions' stupidity, when someone like Jason Smith is on the board, YOU TAKE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

WILL DO: Thank god for the Rams that the Lions might be the most retarded franchise in sports history. With Jason Smith on the board, this is a no brainer. The Rams take Smith, build a beefier offensive line to protect Bulger and give Mark one more year to live up to his contract. You could be looking at a situation where a certain Nate Freeman might still be up in the second round. Or maybe Hunter Cantwell from Louisville who is big, muscular and has a cannon that is comparable to Cutler. Former big name RHETT BOMAR is still on the board and a fucking beast. The Rams take Bomar in the second round, all of a sudden Bulger has a reason to start producing and earning that money: FEAR.

3.) The Kansas City Cheifs
SHOULD DO: Scott Pioli is in a wonderful position wherein his choice is a no brainer. Your defense is the worst in the league. Your rush defense, one of the worst of all time. Your offense is on it's way with Cassell at the helm (maybe the next Len Dawson). YOU NEED AARON CURRY AND AARON CURRY NEEDS YOU. Here is the best player in the draft sitting in your laps. This as I said earlier, is a no brainer, and IF YOU EVEN THINK about Michael Crabtree Scott, you deserve to be beaten repeated naked, in the crotch with metal reeds.

WILL DO: Once again, NO BRAINER. Adam Curry, the OLB goes to KC, gets converted to Inside LB and makes the defense slightly better. You use the rest of your picks to stock up on a D-Line (Dorsey if you suck again this year, you're demoted to the Los Angeles Avengers...wait...)and quite possibly someone in the back field, DID SOMEBODY SAY DONALD BROWN FROM CONNECTICUT?!?!?!

4.) The Seattle Seahawks
SHOULD DO: Much has been made over the speculation of Seattle possibly taking Mark Sanchez, on this I say Seattle, let Washington hang themselves on a rope made out of shitty Mexican yarn. Yes Sanchez is a West Coast boy. Yes, he already knows the offense because he ran it at USC. Yes he looks like Wilmer Valderama on roids. But when it comes to Hasselback's eventual sucessor, I GOT ONE WORD FOR YA: SENECA!!!! Seneca Wallace has established himself behind Hasselback for four years now and has made a career out of being the perpetual back up, and the man who steps in when old man Hasselback breaks his back and commands the offense. He is a company man AND DESERVES TO HAVE THAT SPOT. At least for one year to see if it will work. He is efficient and god dammit, man has served his time. Besides you have at least two or three more good years left with Hasselback before he goes on to the big chunky Campbell Soup cup in the sky (the announcement booth). Either draft Eugene Monroe to build for the future, or Michael Crabtree to build for RIGHT NOW. It's not bad either way, but you get more years and more service out of Monroe who could be the missing link to a team who could still win that Division.

WILL DO:: I want to say the Seahawks STUN everyone here and go Mark Sanchez,the QB for the future, and you know if they go the Green Bay route they just might...HOWEVER...the Seahawks are a smart organiziation with a new coach and a new GM. Instead of making a HUGE SPLASH, I think that the Seahawks will hold on to their qb marbles until next year (when there are like 843944343 qb's in the draft) and take Monroe at O-Line. Hey, the Seahawks also like Nate Davis the QB from Ball State in the second round. Sure he's a project qb and probably retarded but if Forest Gump taught me anything is that people with mental disabilities like to show their buttocks and eat shrimp.

5.) The Cleveland Browns
SHOULD DO:You paid all this money for Derek Anderson and he epic failed last year brutally. You paid all this money for Brady Quinn and he epic failed last year brutally. Both were taken out with injuries so what do you have now? A spotty offense with recievers who couldn't catch a ball if it were the size of Louie Anderson, and a piss poor defense who Chris Long can't save by himself. Eric Mangini (formerly known as the mangenius) is very methodical like his mentor, Bill Parcells. If Monroe is still on the board, the Browns should take him no doubt, however the bigger question is on defense and while you have an end in Orakpo sitting there, you already have Chris Long on the end tearing it up. You need someone on the interior and a player like B.J Raji only comes along once in a lifetime. My pick as the best player in the draft, and undoubtedly the best DT in the draft. You take him. You take him hard.

WILL DO: Mangini doesn't mess around and what he sees, he wants. B.J Raji is there for the taking and the Browns will have another great draft season when they take this behemoth as the fifth overall pick. One has to wonder though, why is it the last two drafts have been great for the Browns, and yet they still can't win...hmmm...

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR:
Michael Crabtree: Relax, you're not falling too far. I'm sorry sir greatness but the Seahawks won't take you (they got Houzemensajfbshfhesatah). But Cincinatti is staring down the barrel of loaded shit gun without T.J, a trigger happy Chris Henry, and another person who has a hispanic last name yet has gold teeth and hates Ohio. The Bengals got you son. Now you and Ocho Cinco can start that sitcom like you wanted.

Mark "Dirty" Sanchez: Although I'm kind nervous that both the Seahawks and the Jaguars express so much interest (it would be death for their organization who already have great QB's), I don't want him to follow me out here. Sanchez follows me like a plague, like a dirty Mexican plague that won't rid itself if you drink the water. As a Mexican American myself, it brings tears to my eyes when he smiles. Sadly, Snyder love love LOVES QB's and has tons of money to back it up. They trade with the Jags, and hello staff infection Mark follows me out here to D.C and I have to put up with seeing his ugly mug every where again, but this time plastered on billboards, buses, newspapers, porn, and those really shitty Eastern Auto Insurance commercials where you realize Clinton Portis can't read. *sigh* I hate my life.

My favorite team, THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: KNOWSHAWN,KNOWSHAWN,KNOWSHAWN,KNOWSHAWN or BEANIE, BEANIE, BEANIE, either way WE HAVE A POWER BACK, WE HAVE A POWER BACK! But hopefully Knowshawn so I can finally say a Moreno plays for the Saints.

- Notorious Fluffy C