No Fun Night Three (Fin)

So I woke up feeling pretty froggy from the night before. It had obviously been an insane night for me and probably for Frank too. We slept in a bit and this time made our way up again with Liza and Drew (Frank's GF and BF, respectively). We made a stop at Hospital again and drove over to the Knitting Factory and scored an even better parking spot right in front of the venue right next to where all the people were talking (Forgues, Olson, Dom , Connelly etc.). We got out and Frank decided to get some brews before the doors opened. Since they served him the night before he figured why not and sure enough they served us so there was no problem yet. We made our way over and started drinking and I needed to piss. So I made my way over and asked if I could use the restroom and the guy told me as long as me and my friends were drinking in front of the club, there was no way we were getting in period.

So we went down the block and finished our 40's and came back. The dude told us there was no way he was letting us in. It's a good thing we had Lisa with us because they never turn down girls any where. I talked to guy and told him that it was really shitty to go back on your word like that and he acknowledged (once out of staff site) so he let us in with the provision we don't drink or cause any trouble, which is the opposite of what we wanted to do. The rest of the night went down like this:

Shallow Waters- This guy had to be the most pissed off political science major I have ever seen. With screams and trembles that rival early Prurient performances, this guy and his friend belted out a furious mix of harsh noise and power electronics. It was muddy, swampy, shitty sounding at times and perfect for what the dude was trying to convey. Usually I frown upon politics in music, but I could honestly see this nerd was fucking pissed off. "If we don't die from a gunshot to the head, we're going to die of hunger." Holy shit, what an angry motherfucker.

The Cathode Terror Secretion- These were the same guys that were beating the shit out of that one fucked up kid on night one, fishhooking him and slaming his face into the side of the stage. When I saw who it was, I was like HOLY SHIT. IT'S THESE DUDES. No wonder they're so fucking violent. While their set wasn't as shocking as other sets, it was definitely one of the most violent on the part of the performers. The lights were out and they proceeded to scream the fuck out of our ears and blugeon us with some of the loudest laptop electronics I've heard since Weise. It was like Wolf Eyes, Weise, and Whitehouse all came together, had an orgy, shit out a baby and that baby was the demon spawn of hell. With that tall ass dude screaming out angry epithets, threatening to kill anyone who came near him, it made me wonder why these new RSDI kids are so angry? They used to be happy and carefree. Somewhere along the way someone gave them too much roids and speed and they ended up playing angry power electronics and wanting to kill everyone. Great fucking set.

Werewolf Jerusalem - Werewolf Jerusalem is the dude from Richard Ramirez one of the few Texas noise men and a legend in the harsh noise scene. He was one of the first dudes I was listening to when I got into harsh noise so it was fucking awsome to see him live. It was really REALLY fucking loud. I'm pretty sure most of the crowd there had not seen Astro so they weren't used to it being loud as fuck. Many of them walked out with their hands over their ears. There is a reason this guy's is named Richard Ramirez. Because he's an unholy master of murder and rape upon your ears. He will murder again and again. Every time he gets a fucking chance. Tonight was no exception. You might as well get used to it. He's been doing it for over ten years, he's not about to stop now.

Halflings- These dudes are part of the same scene as Cathode and they were hanging with them all weekend. I could tell I would probably really like their recorded stuff, but live, I just wasn't feeling it. They both took their shirts off and one of them flexed with his six pack abs, tight pecs and flaunted his muscles. Literally, one of the gayest things I saw that weekend and I saw two dudes kissing. I don't know. Anything that comes off contrived or forced in any manner I'm not down with. And I'm especially not down with being macho for macho's sense. I doubt these guys have girlfriends or get girls and after this I doubt any girls wanted to talk to them. Regardless, I really did like the sound they were going for. It was like they were trying to go for that two man Dominick Fernow/Whitehouse sound, which I can definitely admire. But I don't know man. There's a place for being a bro in noise, but I just don't feel like there's a place for being macho for macho's sense and for Halflings, taking your shirts off, flexing your muscles, hugging each other. Yeah, not my cup of tea. Extremely awkward and uncomfortable.

Edwige- This was one of the better performances of the night. It wasn't too fancy, just straight ahead power noise from thee foremost names in Canadian noise. It was loud as shit and if you close your eyes, you could see the varying levels of dissonance that ring out almost unnoticed as the fucking aural assault blugeons your ears repeatedly. This was probably my third favorite set of the night and definitely one of the best of the weekend. I thouroughly enjoyed it.

Ahlzagailzehguh - Holy shit was this set intense as fuck. I walked down to the second stage area where Ahlz had already started and I walked into a sea of destruction. More moshing. More crowdsurfing. More people dying to what was seriously one of the best sets of the weekend and definitely the best harsh noise set of the entire weekend. The name is a mouthful but there is nothing complicated about this New York Kid. He looks very unassuming, but get him in front of his pedals, in front of a crowd, and satan be praised, hell is unleashed as the hatred becomes as deep as the void left in my ears after this terrible penetration. Ahlz blasted through his set with no remorse for the crowd as they spilled up on stage and gave him the sign of approval. People, once again, losing their shit; it was deifnitely a sight to behold--and all for this young gun from New York. I made sure to pick up his new album on Hospital after this performance. This kid definitely has a bright fucking future along with Crumer. This is the future of harsh noise and if it is any indication the world is in for a huge amount of severe, merciless pain. FUCKING AMAZING.

Who's the cutie in the front?

Sudden Infant- To be completely honest, I saw this dude get on stage and thought it was going to suck. But I was pleasantly surprised. His voice manipulations were something fierce and dangerous to reckon with. They blared their way from simple digust into violent seas of distortion that waved over the crowds head and out into the streets. Add in some humor on the part of this dude and you had one fucking awesome European dude up there, ahnihilating the shit out of the crowd. The crowd loved it. I loved it. It was great. He was also in the pit for a lot of the bands that weekend which made him that much more relatable. Great guy, great set.

FFH- I made my way down to the second stage area again and just as I walked in, FFH had started. FFH is fairly new to the scene but its Rich from Vegas Martyrs so obviously this dude's been around for a while. There is a lot of buzz on this dude and word on the street is, he was some of the most intense, violence and loud shows in this hemisphere. So I had to see him. Of course as soon as he started, the crowd fucking lost it. People were dying, writhing on the floor and flying in the fucking air. I had been in enough mosh pits for the weekend and I really wanted to see him so I made my way backstage where Thurston, Dom and Connelly all were headbanging. FFH was in fact, incredibly, almost rediculously unecessesarily loud. But if there is one thing I learned in the noise scene, there's no such thing as unecessarily loud. It was as people had depicted it, a violent, bloody, deafening scene. It was like watching the Los Angeles riots except instead of black people doing the rioting, its every single person in the world. I stood there and headbanged along with Thurston and we both gave him the sign of the "forbidden skull". Only ten minutes into his set, you heard this big snap and kind of explosion and that was it. FFH had blown out his mixer, his amp and basically everything else. Everyone cheered and clapped and was fucking floored. It was pretty fucking beatiful to watch. As smoke raised from his amp and people cheered I realized that this was something really special. Walking away, I took the oppurtunity to turn to Thurston and asked him what he thought. He smiled and went, "It was bound to happen sooner or later."

Lasse Marhaug + Dror Feiler - I missed this set because Frank, Drew, Liza and I went to go drink two more 40's down the street. It was really fucking cold at this point. We saw some dude pull out his weiner like almost in front of us and go pee in the middle of the street. That was cool.

Alan Licht - I stayed for most of his set and left for like the last five minutes but from what I say it was pretty good. Mostly a shit ton of power drone, if that makes any sense. Licht is kind of a legend in this circle, so once again it was more out of duty that I watched him than necessity. A lot of people were into it but I went outside towards the end to make a phonecall.

Lee Ranaldo: Blind Piece #2 - I missed Lee's set which really bummed me out. From what I heard it was a lot like his first piece except more violent. He got on stage, played guitar and then destroyed everything. I would have liked to see that but unfortunatley I was held up HOWEVER, it did give me a good oppurtunity to see something pretty fucking amazing. *THURSTON MOORE STORY* So I was sitting in the street, talking on the phone and out of the corner of my eye I saw this really tall figure come out of the shadows and stumbling down the street. I looked closer and saw it was Thurston again. Thurston was drunk off his ass, stumbling in the middle of the street, trying to keep his balance, with a fucking huge meaty sandwich in his hand. As he was stumbling closer to the Knitting Factory, he took huge fucking bites out of his sandwich. It was both fucking hilarious and fucking cool to see: one of the twenty most important figures in music history stumbling drunk down the street, stuffing his face with a sandwich. People like to build up Thurston as if he's this huge rockstar because of all he's accomplished. It makes people either intimidated or resentful towards him and I think its utter bullshit. When I saw that and I talked to him, I saw that same twenty year old kid that likes to rock out on his guitar, headbang, and make shit tons of noise. I don't think much has changed except for his age and the responsibilities that come with getting older. Thurston is just another noise kid and if you're not down with that you can suck it dry. He rules.

As I was walking inside to go watch James Plotkin, I walked by Kim Gordon, Thurston Moore, and Lee Ranaldo. People were just walking by not paying any attention but I seriously had to stop and just gawk for a few seconds. I just stood there and thought to myself, "holy shit, it's SONIC FUCKING YOUTH". There they are just standing there talking and laughing, shooting the shit. THere is one of the most important bands of all time just kicking it and palling around. It was definitely a moment for me and for my musical life. This is something I tell my kids about. It was too fucking surreal for me. I thught I still might have been dosed but considering I had almost nothing to drink that night all I could think to myself was, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, SONIC FUCKING YOUTH, RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME."

James Plotkin- Once again, this was a guy I had heard a lot of and it was more a duty than anything but I did not stay long. Plotkin's set was pretty boring and uninventive. I tried to get into it, but there were no shifts in momentum or any dynamics to his set. IT was very robotic and non-personal. I left after a short while to go catch Illusion of Safety.

Illusion of Safety - Illusion of Safety was literally one of if not THE FIRST dark ambient/drone project I ever listened to in my life. I was in my junior year in high school when I was surfing the net looking for something different and stumbled upon this dark ambient/drone shit. What I found was seriously something infuckingcredible to me. Illusion of Safety was the first ever type of noise I ever listened to. So I had to see him and I had to thank him for just opening my ears up to this entire world. If it weren't for him, I would not have been there at No Fun. It made no difference that half the crowd was not there and that there weren't that many kids there for his set. His set was fucking incredible and I just wanted to show my appreciation to a man who's art meant so much to me as a little angry, high-schooler who was doing a shit ton of drugs and depressed out of his fucking mind. That set was more of a personal thing for me. And yes, it was fucking incredible. Yes, it was everything I thought it would be. But more than anything it was just another moment for me to show my appreciation to an artform that seriously pulled me through some shitty times.

Cleanse- There needs to be a little background info on this dude. Earlier in the night Frank needed to use the restroom. He burst into one of the stalls and found a man doing cocaine off a toilet seat. Frank apologized and waited to use the restroom. As we walked downstairs and walked into the room, we saw this huge hairy beast going fucking insane and looking as if he was fighting with his amplifier. Frank turns to me and goes, "that's the guy I saw doing cocaine in the toilet stall." Of fucking course it was. It's the dude from Hive Mind. It's fucking Grey Holger. His name is Grey. You don't get much more brutal than that. He only played for like five minutes but his set was unforgettable. I was literally thrown into him from like the middle of the audience and everyone was going fucking ape shit. Dom was there. Dilloway. Connelly. Olson. Nate. Fucking everyone was there representing this dude and going fucking insane. This violent beast only played for six minutes but I'm sure to him it felt like six hours. We all cheered and clapped because I have never seen such furious noises come from such an angry coked-up gorilla.


Consumer Electronics- We made our way up to the main stage to see Philip Best's solo performance as Consumer Electronics. Philip Best is one of the legends behind Whitehouse and one of the men I encountered that weekend. Philip is a fucking god and a fucking legend, plus anything he does is confrontational as fuck and extremely cool to be a part of. As Philip walked up and the crowd cheered, we saw a shadowy figure come out from behind him. It was Dom. I could literally hear the collective gasp from the entire audience and then a simultaneous refrain of, "Oh no." Before they even realized what had just happend, Dom unleashed his fucking punishment upon the audience and Philip went into his tyrannical rant that was both sexually offensive and arrosuing at the same time. It was so fucking loud that I didn't know what to fear more, Dom's electronics or Philip's angry screams. As he pointed to everyone in the crowd and proceeded to disrobe, there was one thing I could feel in crowd collectively and that was shame. This music was shaming the audience and they were loving every moment. Chaos ensued and in the ensuing violence, a girl managed to take off her shirt and unzip her pants. For the duration of the set she clawed at Philip as he unleashed his violent decrees upon us, the piece of shit servants. It was literally like something out of a fucking sexually depraved medieval/viking sequence. We had the sexual master, the king in Philip Best admonishing the crowd and decreeing various laws and statutes that were meant to maim and sexually humilate the crowd as he towered over us and raised his hand in glory. Then to his left, there was Dom, his chancellor of pain or his Minister of Suffering and punitive devices, delving out the pain and the punishment to the entire crowd and making sure we feel the pain he is administering to us. Below Philip, at his feet, was the gratuitously naked female, not needing to be there for any reason but to be at her master's beckon. It was offensive, angry, and amazing on so many levels. No one puts on a show like fucking Philip Best.


John Weise- This was the bummer of the night, maybe the weekend. I had been looking forward to Weise's set all weekend because Weise always puts on an awesome fucking show. I had been talking to him all weekend and getting really excited for his set. I had told him that I was going to bring the mosh L.A style to represent. When I walked down there, I walked by Weise and he looked fucking pissed. "Yo Weise, what's up man?" "I'm not playing." That was all he needed to say and my heart fucking sank for him. I was so pissed. I screamed out, "you're not playing!??!" Then a dude turned to me and told me, "his laptop broke". That fucking sucked. I have seen that deathtop go through so much since I've known and seen Weise and it just completely fucking bummed me out that he was not going to get to headling the second stage. It would have been fucking brutal is all I'm going to say. Too bad a lot of these kids will never get to see that. It was a total fucking bummer too because as I asked him if he was going to play he just turned to me and said no. Then right as he turned around a big bag of garbage hit him in the head. I felt so bad for Weise I wanted to give him a hug or something. I was pretty pissed and pretty fucking bummed about Weise and all the shit that happened to him. I think though, he might have had the last laugh on us...


THE HATERS- What a way to end No Fun. I went apeshit. I could not contain myself. The Haters are mostly the project of this dude Jupiter from Hollywood. They are homegrown in my backyard and they have been at it for thirty years now. They have earned their legend status through years of abstract pieces and several different performance all of which include crowd confrontation and baiting. Their name is no fucking joke. This dude FUCKING HATES. He hates with all his black putred soul and this performance was no exception. They performed that infamous "Untitled Title Belt" piece in which the men in black masks creep eerily forward towards the girl in the middle, sitting on a stool holding a title belt around her shoulder. I would close my eyes to listen in to the noise then open them up each time and I thought to myself, "are they getting closer to that girl?". I began to watch intently and I realized they were moving steadily and subtly closer to her. And I saw what was about to happen. One of the men was dressed in familiar clothes and I could see he was wearing glasses. Given Weise's L.A ties and his earlier performance woes, it did not surprise me to believe that under the one of those garbs was Weise ready to unleash THE HATE. As they moved closer and closer, the suspension continued to mount and I seriously was losing it. I was so excited. And then, the first lethargic shove. Followed by another, followed by another in increasingly violent fashions. The shoves got angrier and angrier as the music got louder and louder. Of course I got crazier and crazier. I was loving it. The violence became increasingly more intense towards to the "girl" in the stool and I began to hear boos and cries of anger from the audience. Things were being flung onto the stage and people were throwing shit out of anger. Finally the girl was knocked off her stool onto the floor, the title belt changed hands, and the piece ended. THE HATERS WERE VICTORIOUS.


That set was seriously the highlight of my weekend. It was definitely the most offensive, the most disturbing and the most unsettling of the entire weekend. And I feel like I always have to explain myself when it comes to things like The Haters. The Haters have been doing these performance art pieces for thirty years now and they always solicit the same reactions. I'm glad to see they still have such a polarizing effect on crowds to this day because there are always people who aren't familiar. In no way do I condone violence towards women and in no way does Jupiter or the Haters. Everything they do is over the top and meant to amplify various stereotypes so as to bring them to the forefront of discussion or if nothing else, to piss you off into discussing. There is a lot of wrestling themes that are included in their sets, like crowd interaction/violence and obviously, the title belt. They aren't meant to condone or comment on anything. That's your job to do after their set. Case in point, after their set, Liza comes up to us and tells us, "women hating in noise = retarded/boring" was written on one of the women stalls. The Haters have done thier job hating and they have done it well.



THAT's ALL FOLKS! THANKS FOR STOPPING BY FOR THIS WEEKEND AND THANKS FOR READING ALONG. I apologize for the many errors in spelling, sentence structure, english, or whatever. If that made it "impossible" for you to read, go fuck yourself you self-righteous prick! Love you all! So long from Brookyln!

*all photos taken by someone else (prefix mag and muniak)
- Chris