No Fun Day Two (After)

Before I found out what I had just consumed, I walked back inside the Knitting Factory to catch Keith Fullerton Whitman's set. Everyone was really excited because this was supposed to be one of the best sets of the weekend. I felt kind of funny as I walked into the club. I wondered if what I had just drank was some sort of crazy alcholic beverage or just some weird hippy drink.

Keith Fullerton Whitman: Whitman's set was sorely dissappointing. Being that he was supposed to be one of the best things about the weekend, I was really bummed to see him do this weird glitch mash-up that didn't seem to have any cohesion to it whatsoever. I mean most of the guys make things up as they go along but have some semblance of the way they want their set to go. Whitman just got up there and started turning and hitting shit. It was a huge departure from his normally trance enducing drone. Towards the end of his set though, I definitely started to feel a tingle in my body and I started to feel more and more as if I were fading or dissappearing. After Whitman's set Frank and I walked out with that kid Bobby to go kick one and get the car nice and toasty.

Me: I don't know what Carly gave me man but I feel weird. Was it me or were the people moving really really fast out of the doors.
Frank: Nah man, they were fine.
Me: Man I don't know what I drank but I feel odd.
Frank: Do you like not feel good?
Me: It's not that I don't feel good...it's that I feel TOO GOOD.

And that was the quote of the night.

Cornucopia:We missed his set cause I was lifted as shit chilling with Bobby and Frank.

While we were in the car, Bobby, Frank and I were sharing random stories. They had a lot more because they still do drugs socially and hang out with friends from home who are the same *jealousssssss*. They start discussing random things beore Bobby turns to Frank and like a quote from the heavens asks, "Man have you ever tried Ayahuasca...it will fucking change your life." At this point I stop and move up the seat. I didn't believe that I just heard. It was like they saw me and fucking realized what was going on, but they didn't. It must have been just fucking instinct.

Me: Wait, what did you say?
Bobby: Ayahuasca
Me: What is that?
Frank: It's like this tea made with this root but they mix DMT sometimes. It's basically the purest, most earthiest form of liquid DMT but in like a tea.
Me: ummmm-------ooo.
Frank: Wait, that's not what you drank is it?
Me: it had some crazy name like that--I'm like 98.6 percent sure that's what I just drank.
Frank: oh noooo...ohh man... you little fucking bastard....you bastard.....I hate you. I'm so jealous right now. I hate you.

We got out of the car and made our way back to the stage and I was really beginning to feel it at this point. It hadn't hit but I was definitely feeling amazing, like I could probably just jump in the air and fly to the stage. It would have been fucking sweet too because I was like all fast and everyone else were fucking slow as shit. I would have beat everyone and gotten to the front row for Skaters. Instead, I stumbled up to the balconoy for the perfect set to watch in this state, THE SKATERS.

The Skaters: We walked in and the Skaters had already started playing. It was an amazing set. It was just the two dudes up there blasting through some feverishly devilistic drone that sounded (in my head at least) like being at a haunted carnival, alone at 2:30 at night. The lights were all out and the only light being used was this weird Christmas ornament light they were using that was flashing like a strobe light the entire time they were playing. From where I was, the entire area seemed pitck black. I was so fucked at the point that whenever I saw a shadow it looked like a ghost trying to leap off the balcony. And The Skaters provided a perfect soundtrack to these visions. It was so amazing to finally see this group as I have missed them several times and they were one of the bands I was extremely eager to see that weekend. Not only were they amazing but I was completely dosed off my ass so that just made the experience more incredible. Check seeing the Skaters while tripping majestic off my list.

Wow that's what they used as a light. I must have been fucked up if I thought it was a snowman.

Emeralds: I stumbled down three sets of stairs to get to the second stage area to see this band I had also heard a lot of buzz on called Emeralds. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY MOTHERFUCKING MARY OF POOP. JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST WITH A FLAMING STALLION LARIAT. THIS BAND WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE BEYOND ALL FUCKING WORDS. Maybe it's because I've done a lot of drugs in my past and killed a number of coordinative cells. Maybe it's because I just naturally like psychedelic drone. Maybe it's just because I was completely faced at this point and the ayahuasca REALLY REALLY had kicked in but this one of the top three performances of the entire weekend. I can't decide if it was the best, but it definitely was my favorite. Their brand of drone reminded me if like Growing took all the seriousness out of their music, dropped some acid, drank a shit load of beer, and pretended they were going to space. It was utterly fucking jawdropping. My mouth was on the floor the entire time. Their synths were synced perfected and the subtle timing of the guitar delays didn't hit me until I looked up and saw a sea of guitar feedback washing over the crowd. I saw that they released stuff on American Tapes and they did a collaboration with Dilloway. After their set, regardless of how doped up I was, I made it a prority to own anything and everything I could afford that had their name on it. Unfortunately I already blew a lot of my money so that meant a cd and a tape, but I downloaded a shit ton more and I intended to buy more as this is currently my favorite new band. As we were walking out, all I could was look at Frank and go "dude--I can't even explain--words can't explain. Did you see that? Did you hear that? That was--oh my god--just--" And of course Frank's retort was simple, "dude your pupils are so dilated right now."

Carlos Giffoni: Of course I stumbled my ass up back to the main stage and watch Sir Carlos fucking demolish the competetion and simply lay waste to all noise wannabes. Carlos Giffoni IS no fun. He is the only reason No Fun Fest exists as he founded started, and financed this entire operation. He also just happens to be one of my heroes and one of the most respected, amazing, talented noise artists in the entire world. Usually Carlos is good for blasting through a furious set with his hand made synth destruction boxes but this time, Carlos compltely switched it up. I was still feeling mighty MIGHTY fine as I was competely fucking rolling by this point. And Carlos was playing some mad grooves with his destructo boxes this time. Like I said, usually its just synth destruction with Carlos but tonight, I guess Carlos was feeling good as well as his tweaks had beats to them, almost like funky bass beats that fluctuated up and down. The set walked the line between brutal destructo analog noise and funky techno synth blasts the entire time, ending perfectly. That's not very easy to do for anyone and the fact that Carlos was able to pull this off only showed that he's growing so much more as an artists. Simply increidble.

The reason No Fun exists.

Alvars Orkester: I would really like to say I saw this set and that it was awesome, but truth be told this period in the night I don't really remember all too well. There was a phone. Some people. Maybe some juice? I don't know. I don't remember basically is the point and it bums me out we missed this guy's set because apparently he's a real composer that is so brutal, orchestras refused to play some of his compositions because they said it would deafen the crowd. I wish I could have seen it...maybe I did?


Demons:Oh man, what away to scare me out of my trip. This set also used a projector and visuals, but it was much more disturbing, frightening and horrifying than Nautical's set. First of all, this is the project of Nate from Wolf Eyes, arguably the grimmest figure out of all of them. Out of all the wolf dudes, he is the one I know the least about and the one I've talked to the least. He keeps to himself a lot. He also happens to be the founder of Wolf Eyes and basically a pretty reclusive legend in local noise circles. Their set was fucking terrifying. With Rodger Stella on theramin, that basically meant we were in store for something fiercely cerebral. The images on the screen only added to the dark layers of analogs, beats, and anger that pervaded their set. Stella was obviously agitated and drunk and that only added to the fury of the set. The images projected were for basically a reverse rape. This girl gets her clothes ripped off and starts screaming but then its played in reverse on loop and slow motion for the rest of the set while Nate and Stella trade terror blows. It was the most intense set of the night and definitely one of the most intense sets of the entire weekend. I was really happy I got to see this set. Groups like Demons are the reason this is called No Fun Fest.

Demons fucking rule.

Tovah Olson and the Jasons: Tovah and th Jasons were already jamming out downstairs and as I was walking down (this time walking gingerly, I had regained some of my cooridnation at this point), I heard this magnificently dark but jazzy sound coming from the room. I walked in and the sound was awesome. It was like free jazz meats complete ahnihilation as only Tovah and her Jason cohorts could do. Things got so awesome, her husband, Olson, started the pit going again and this time the pit was insane. The pit had been crazy for Sewer Election and Handicapper Hornz, but with Olson leading the way, this mosh pit became a monster pit. It was so fun. Then all of a sudden without warning, the sound was cut off. Everyone turned around and was like, "what the fuck, TURN IT ON. LET THEM PLAY." Over the speakers we heard, "until you guys can stop punching each other in the face, you are cut off." Then without warning she told them to get off the stage and that they were cut off. It was fucking gay as shit. Connelly, Thurston, Olson, Dom and everyone else was leading the charge in letting them play but they were just getting angrier and angrier and telling them to get off. Some pricks in the audience were not down either and one gay prickcore 5000 even went so far as to say, "it's not music it's just noise..." everyone turned around and immediately began throwing this kid around and basically hoisting him out of the area. Everyone was angry until like the genius he is Thurston shouted out, "what about the drums??" and brilliantly Olson chimed in "DO DRUMS YOU CAN'T UNPLUG DRUMS!!!" After chants of "drums" by the crowd, one of the Jasons got up there and started playing which started another mosh pit and just angered the Knitting Factory staff even more. It was one of the best and most awesome moments of the entire weekend. God fucking bless the Olsons, America's REAL first family.

Religious Knives:We walked back up to the main stage to watch Religious Knives. By the look of the crowd you can tell most of them were there to see them. Religious Knives was probably the most well known name outside the noise realm besides Thurston playing the fest. There were a lot of darkwave pricks there wearing their hair to the side with a blazer, white shoes and eyeliner to showcase their true black hearts on their sleeves. "I am so dark. Sometimes I go home and listen to early Love and Rockets while I dance in a non-conformist manner." I hate it when goth kids grow up and change into gayer, shittier, more annoying darkwavers. Aside from the annoying crowd, Religious Knives was okay. Kind of unremarkable but still good. Their individual sets (Afternoon Penis) (Black Quarter) (Workbench) were a lot better. I left to go see Hair Police.

Hair Police: This was by far the moment of the night. By now the ayahuasca had transformed itself into a natural adrenaline and I was completely fucking aware of my surroundings and concentrated on everything. I walked in to watch Hair Police start off in a very terrifying and malefic manner. It was just extremely haunting and then before I knew it, ALL FUCKING HELL BROKE LOOSE. It was as if I were walking into a house of actual corpses, witnessing the horror of the bodies and then being attacked by the butcher who maimed these bodies. Connelly and company lauched into this crazy pseudo-punk/black metal/noise improv set that included screeching the could break kevlar and bullet proof windows and drumming with a full on "Ghostrider" biker chain. The set was fucking crazy as the pit went fucking nuts. The pit was much more unrestrained (as were Hair Police) and much more deranged than any of the sets thus far. It was chaotic, dangerous, potentially lethal, but worth every fucking minute. As Connelly continued to wait out, "I CANNOT. I WILL NOT." The crowd continued to push back until full fledged hell had broken out at no fun. People were seriously losing their fucking shit for Hair Police, and I'm not going to lie; I was one of them. I was spazzing out and writhing on the stage as they kicked into another noise enduced black metal rendition of a punk song. I just continued to go all out along with Connelly, and the crowd. People were crowd surfing. Things were getting broken. Beer was getting sprayed everywhere, I can't put into words how euphoric the entire experience was. Connelleys bass sounded like a motor cycle, and Trevor provided the chain link whip as the drum stick for the perfect effect. It was definitely one of the most unrestrained, angriest, diabolic and frightening sets I've ever witnessed. Connelley managed to crowd surf over the crowd, which isn't easy considering he's a stalky fellow and landed back on stage to finish out the set with one last shriek of blood curdling violence before finsihing it off, "FUCK SECURITY. FUCK THE KNITTING FACTORY. FUCK EVERYONE ELSE, WE'RE HAIR POLICE GOODNIGHT."

Who's that cute little Mexican boy getting trampled on??

CLUSTER: German Kraut legends CLUSTER finished off the night and while it was a good way to end the night, Frank and I were tired and hungry. We watched Cluster who were essentially the older version of Zwei Dungel Jungen--WE ARE CLUSTER FROM DEUTSCHELAND. WE ARE TWO DARK BOYS--until we felt it necessary to jet. We grabbed a sandwich and drove back home. A fitting end to one of the more masterful nights of my recent recollection.


YES! That's finally it for night two. What a fucking night. Stay tuned for night three where I wrap it up with TWO condoms so it hurts and chaffes the women and no pleasure is felt for either partner.

- Doody