No Fun Fest: Night One

So it's in the books! Yet another year of thrashing, killing, brutality and absolutely NO FUN. No Fun Fest was held last weekend at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in Brooklyn, New York and I blew all my money on music and am now penniless, beerless, and horny...just kidding...about the beer part. I always have beer. Anywho, this year with the absence of my PIC Frank Cordry, I headed up to BK with my good friend and noise counterpart, Colin Fleming. We made the long ass trek up to there, put up with all the annoying douchebag hipsters that infest Williamsburg like swin flu in Mexico, had a fucking rager of a time. I did things obviously, Boozester style, with no tickets, no plan, and no fun. I headed up there, scored tickets right away and got into the Music Hall for a night of what was supposed to be completely and utter brutality. I grabbed some pizza and a 40 prepared for the debauchery to take place, instead night one was an inaccurate portrayal of how the rest of the acts would unfold as it showcased some of the worser of the performances for the weekend.

Noveller: I missed this chick because I grabbed pizza and a 40. I heard she ruled though.

Raglani: The first act I saw was a good way to start the weekend. Sadly Raglani was one of the better performances of the night and for someone I had never heard of before, I wasn't completely paying attention to his set. There was this hot chick with pink hair and hoop earrings that kept distracting me, however, when she was out of my line of sight, Raglani fucking ruled with some great synth work and a spacey Emerald-feel that kicked it off great. Great set.

Axolotl: AXOLOTL FUCKING CANCELLED AND THEN SHOWED UP AND WAS DRINKING AT THE BAR. I WANTED TO SEE HIM SO BAD. FUCK THIS DUDE AND FUCK HIS MOM.

Chris Corsano:Holy Flaming cat shit. Are you fucking serious?? I thought Brian Chippendelle was fast as shit (and as you'll see later he really is). Chris Corsano FUCKING OWNED. It looked like his hands were knives and he was chopping at the drum set, yet somehow making brilliant sounds. Imagine Edward Scissor hands except on drums. New fucking Drum Hero.


My new drum hero Powder, I mean Corsano.

Carlos Giffoni: So unlike last year, I wasn't faced when I saw Carlos so I actually remember his set and it'sa good thing I did. While Carlos didn't blow me out of the water (nothing compares to the Bank show in Baltimore), he did make me shake my booty. Carlos is getting progressively more intricate as well as accessable with the modular synth action he is getting out of his homemade instruments of terror. Except tonight, he definitely brought the funk. For the first time I actually saw DANCING at No Fun. At at the expense of Carlos no less! The president of noise did a great job and while not remarkable, still provided a great funky interlude.


Ladies and gentlemen, the President of Noise.

Xeno and Oaklander: Unfortunately, No Fun seems to be growing in popularity and to gain some of that crossover appeal they have to book bands like Xeno and Oaklander (and as you'll see later the UBER overrated Blank Dogs). Their sound is good for what they do. Like a happier Cold Cave. I just wasn't digging it. This is no fun. First dancing, now existential no wave headbobbing??? Dude, what the fuck is going on here. I stayed for one song, appreciated their sound and booked it outside to smell smoke because I lost my cigs and a pack of camels was 8.99. Fuck that.

Grey Wolves: Sadly, the shitty feeling of the last set was outdone by the monumentally horrible set of British Powerelectronics duo Whiteho---oops sorry I mean Grey Wolves (ouch). Acually I've seen Whitehouse. Philip Best called me a cunt for 30 seconds. They fucking rule. They are, to this day, the loudest band I've ever heard. So imagine my shock and horror when I see a shitty Whitehouse knockoff AND YOU CAN'T HEAR SHIT. The entire time people were shouting that they couldn't here anything and getting noticebaly upset at the seemingly lack of enthusiasm of these two British assholes. It got even worse when in the middle of the set, for some inexpicable reason, Peaches' "Fuck the Pain Away" came on at half the volume and the singer proceeded to whip his dick out and grind it on the mic stand. Someone threw a beer at his dick and for good reason. Even without the confusion the shitty "America Sucks, Britain Rules" theme of the set was a super failure and as my friend Brian put it, "I'm glad to see everyone finally got to see that band for the shitty knockoff they are." I would say epic fail, but really these dudes just proved again why England sucks. First the Spice Girls. Then Beckham. Now this. Great job.

Thrones: It seemed as if we were all down and out. The crowd was upset and confused after Grey Wolves and everyone was all ready to bust out with the "fuck no fun" chant, until a pigtailed gay woodsmen from the land of mysticism and forestry (Portland) came out, and proceeded to give the eulogy of No Fun...ONLY TO RESURRECT IT FROM THE DEAD AND CARRY IT ON HIS EAGLE SHOULERS!!!! THRONES FUCKING RULED MY FACE SO FUCKING HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy and so overjoyed listening to this shit. It was one of the best performances of the weekend the BY FAR the best of the night. Joe Preston walked on stage in the midst of the Grey Wolves chaos and aftermatch, set up his drum machine and without so much as saying a word, lifted the crowd to new levels of happiness and joy. His set started out so sad, as if he knew no fun were dying right there, and just when it seemed it was over, he busts out with the most triumphant, glorious sound any of us heard. With just a Steinberger bass, a drum machine, and a vocoder, Joe changed the face of the night and honestly, probably saved No Fun not only for the weekend, but maybe for the next year. Everyone who whined about how much it "wasn't like before" shut the fuck up when he played and marvelled in awe at the majestic sound that was THRONES. Epic set. Just fucking gorgeous.

Bastard Noise: Man is the Bastard is one of the most important bands to me of all time. While not one of my favorites, if not for them, I have no favorites. If not for them, I am missing half my music. If not for them, I am never in a band and my high school social and friendly life does not exist. So I was super super stoked to watch Eric Wood, grunt, growl and scream right before my very eyes for the first in what would be two very historical sets for the weekend. Bastard Noise did not dissappoint and while their set did wind on a bit long, it was worth it to watch one an icon on stage scream and thrash about in a manner that influenced every single band we played in high school with. Powerviolence was one of the most important genres of music to me growing up and there is no exception with power electronics. You move from one type of brutality to another and Bastard Noise was fucking awesome. I didn't even really mind the fact they droned out for 20 minutes. To me seeing Eric Wood scream for ten minutes was good enough. I almost shed a tear thinking about all those great times spent in my teenhood and knowing that I owe most of them to that man. Thanks Eric. And fucking awesome set!


The reason I started playing music.


Low Point of Night - The Dude from Grey Wolves whipping out his cock and grinding it up and down the pole. Fuck dude, aren't you embarrassed enough with your shitty band doing so terrible. Now the whole audience knows you have a small dick. That doesn't really do good things for British stereotypes.

High Point of Night - Thrones amazingly downtrodden and then shockingly gorgeous turning point. Really saved the fest and brought the crowd together after the aforementioned pee-pee incident. Here's a clip of half the set to give an idea:



END NIGHT ONE.

So that was night one. Kind of a bummer like I said, but stay tuned for night two. Night two was DEFINITELY a keeper, with fucking amazing ass sets and some suprising ones that left me speechless. Stay tuned!!!SIIIIIIICCCCKKKKKNNNEEEESSSS

to be contuned....

- Naz