Part Tre'
It's been a while. I was in LA and didn't have the internet until today at any rate here is night three no fun. Two months later...

Con-Cert/Conrad Schnitzler So everyone knew this dude was Kieth Fullerton Whitman. And everyone knew he was going to do something special. What I didn't know was that I would be subjected to yet another boring performance from this dude for the second year in a row. I mean the first 20 minutes were good, but then it lost focus, and droned on for about another 30. Way too long. Way too boring and Whitman, way too overrated. I'd still see him if he came to D.C though.

Jazzfinger - I actually liked this a lot. A lot of people thought it was lame but I thought huge pulsating feedback was pretty awesome. It was intense as shit and the people looked like they were having fun fucking with the amps. It was super loud, just the way I like it. People weren't impressed and it's not like they are the second coming of Metal Machine Music, but it was still pretty rad.

Peter Rehberg/Marcus Schmickler: I think Colin and I stepped out to grab a much needed slice of pizza. That pizza place right off the Bedford metro stop is really fucking good. I must have had at least 8 slices that weekend. 2 bucks for a 40? DC doesn't even have 40s! Gimme a 40 and a huge slice of pizza. Now we're talkin, none of this weird german shit.

Cold Cave: We were back in time to see a band I was super psyched on and that was Wes Eisold's own Cold Cave. Wes is one of my personal heroes and one of the BIG THREE influences in my life (the other two being, Andy Kaufman and Mick Foley). American Nightmare, Give Up the Ghost and Some GIrls are all on a short list of bands that made me want to give up school and follow. His poetry and writings also have a huge influence on my life outlook. Needless to say this man means a lot to me. So I was super stoked to see his new project which I have been in love with since my first listen last year. THe set was actually really good for someone who only was one hand (not a jab, I am surprised how much controal Wes has despite his handicap). A lot of people were actually getting into it and feeling the danceable beats. I thought everyone would hate it, but to my surprise I found a lot of people humming the Cold Cave tunes long after the set was over after a mere 15 minutes. At the point where they sang, "I'm--going to--put you in the hospital," I decided I love the set and I could see from the smile on other people's faces as they tapped their feet that they did too. Feel good set from a band that's supposed to be mysterious and dark. Fucking cute motherfucker Wesley.

Emeralds - Holy flaming ghost shit. Talk about spactacular. Emeralds wasted no time, wasting the audience. From the moment the system blared their galactic blasts of space ships, the audience was placed into hyperdrive. For those 20 minutes, the Music Hall lifeted and ascended into the stars, where only those three men can take us. While this was definitely not the best I've seen them, this was still not pawltry set to say the least. Aside from the fact that Mark's guitar was turned up high enough, the set was damn near perfect. You can't really blame that for happening either, the eardrums were just being pulverized by these guys. It was the loudest set of the weekend by more than one person. John furiously banged his head as he manned the lazer controls, while Steve masterfully mannuevered the ship through a barrage of meteor blasts to the eardrum. Mark provided the guitar work of a sage and together Emeralds literally and figuratively, blew the roof off the fucking place.

Black Pus - I was honestly not really looking forward to this. I saw Brian at Velvet a year ago doing Black Pus and it was utterly incredible. So I was not expecting this to top it, but I was dead wrong. As soon as he placed his kick drum in front of my face, I knew I was in trouble. Maybe Brian heard me saying I didn't really want to see him play? Maybe it was a personal attack. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure his set took 5 years off my hearing as he played the fastest and craziest I've ever EVER seen one person play by themselves. His homemade synth box wasn't working a couple times which led to witty banter with the audience and a cool connection to someone so mythical, no one even mentions his other band (oh yeah, THAT BAND). Last time I saw him in D.C he even mentioned, "when I was heard one time with my other band", someone immediately and jokingly shouted out, "WHAT OTHER BAND!??!" And we all laughed. Brian is seriously the fastest drummer on the plannet. THAT'S RIGHT faster than Zach Hill, who is fast but to me, the most technical drummer in the world. Black Pus was infuckingcredible. Using his voice as a guitar and a placement for beats, Brian blasted through 30 minutes of tribal, pulse pounding, beat thumping drum beats coupled with his trademark high pitched squeak that was aided by the help of that little synth box cleverly mounted in the middle of the set. Say what you will about Lightning Bolt's cookie cutter aesthetics, Brian Chippendale can seriously blow your fucking face off. He did mine.

Prurient/Kevin Drumm - Probably the best set of the weekend. I have never seen Kevin Drumm before and surprise surprise, the man is a beast. Just to set it up, earlier in the weekend, Grey Wolves played the sorriest excuse for a set of music I've ever seen. While they were blowing, a disgruntled fan (who also happens to be an artist) threw a cup at them. A huge bearded man pushed the kid and looked at him and told him to do it again and see what happens. The kid balked, looking like he had seen a ghost, but the kid's girlfriend was not impressed. She egged the burly dude on saying that her beloved boyfriend was also a musician as the kid tried to get her to stop. Finally the huge dude asked her who her boyfriend was. When she gave the response the bearded giant went, "I've heard him before, HE FUCKING SUCKS." At this point the kid looked like he was about to cry as the huge beardo countinously screamed the girl in the face to "SHUT UP." While she tried to talk. Finally she stopped after he screamed it at point blank distance.

The next night Prurient and Kevin Drumm were coming out to play their set. Dom came out to thunderous applause and cheer while he set up his mayhem. Then what looked like a random dude came on stage and made his way to the HUGE elaborate set up of electronics on the table in the middle of the stage. That man, was the same man that killed the dreams of a young artist the night before whilst simultaneously scaring a young girl into silence. That man was none other than Kevin Drumm.

Their set was unbelievable. It was seething with such negativity and pent up agression. It teetered on the brink of uncontrollable before Dom and Drumm would pull back as if torturing the audience in some sort of BDSM situation. Drumm looked fucking pissed off and as Dom wailed away, I could not think of a more fitting duo than Dom and Drumm. They are both angry midwesterners, who hate everything and it shows. Drumm with his brooding and nerve wracking delirium of hate drones and power blugeons and Dom with his fierce destruction of ear drums and his aural raping with the microphone. These guys were perfect tonight and they new it. I don't know if I will ever see this again, and to tell you the truth I hope I don't. It was violent. It was disturbing. It was everything you could expect from Dom and Drumm. I just hope the next time they collaborate, for the sake of that poor boy who had his dreams crushed by his hero telling him he sucks, that they in fact suck...although it's not bloody likely. Sorry brashe.

Skullflower - I could go on and on about how legendary this outfit is with whats-his-face controlling everything and this being his opus. And I cold drone about how Hototogisu is one of the most brilliant groups to ever come out, but I won't. Because plain and simple: Skullflower sucked. It was a complete bummer to the rest of the night. But Matthew Bower's strap kept falling off. He didn't have enough slack on his guitar to reach the microphone. It was honestly, just a mess and it's a god damned shame because I respect Matthew Bower a lot. He is one of the reasons I love drone so much. But unforunatley tonight, twas not to be. Skullflower ate it, and everyone ended no fun with a wierd taste in their mouths that wasn't semen.


That's it for No fun 2009. Stay tuned for more updates on other shit. I'm going to Whartscape this weekend with no money. Let's see how that turns out. Baltimore or bust!

- Crabs